Humor

Humor

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On their way to work every morning, Zalman and Kalman walk by a church. One day Zalman points to an enormous sign on the church entrance that says, "A Half Million Dollars to Any Jew who Converts to Christianity."

Zalman says, "Pretty good deal... but it's just not for us." Kalman says nothing.

They walk by the sign every day for weeks. Same thing, every morning. Zalman says, "Good deal... but it's just not for us" and Kalman says nothing.

One Friday morning, Kalman says, "I've been thinking about it. It is a pretty good deal. I want to take them up on it."

The next Monday morning on their walk to work, Zalman says to Kalman, "So nu? Did you get the half million dollars?"

Kalman looks at Zalman and says, "You people! All you think about is money!"

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Abe goes into Church, takes out the tallis, takes out the yarmulke and dresses himself, and proceeds to pray.

The Priest comes in and wants to start the Services. He stands up and says,"Will all non-Catholics please leave." Little Abe goes right on davening."

Next request, again, "Will all non-Catholics please leave." Nothing.

Finally, the Priest gets up and says, "Will ALL JEWS please leave." At this Abe gets up folds his tallis and packs it away, takes off the yarmulke and puts it away. Then Abe goes to the altar and picks up a statue of the baby Jesus and says, "Come bubbela they don't want us here anymore."

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Early one evening David Moskowitz scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawn mower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.

A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

"No," replied Moskowitz, "my son just bought his first car and right now he's getting ready for a big date."

"So what's with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor.

"Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him."

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A Jew converts and becomes a priest. He gives his first mass in front of a number of high ranking priests who came for the occasion. At the end of the new priest's sermon a cardinal goes to congratulate him.

"Pater Lewis," he said, "That was very well done, you were just perfect. Just one little thing. Next time, please don't start your sermon with, 'Fellow goyim...' ".