Rav Druk in his sefer Darash Mordechai (mamarim on Tisha B’av, beginning of maimar 7) asks a gevaldige kasha. The Shulchan Aruch (554:20) says: אין שאלת שלום לחבירו בתשעה באב והדיוטות שאינם יודעים ונותנים שלום משיבים להם בשפה רפה ובכובד ראש – "That on Tisha B’av we don’t wish people 'shalom aleichem'. If someone does greet you because he doesn’t know he is not supposed to, we answer as if it is with difficulty and it should be a soft answer."
The question he asks is, that on Tisha B’av we should increase in ahavas chinom, the Beis HaMikdash was destroyed because of sin’as chinom so Tisha B’av should be the time to increase in love and friendship, it should be the time that we are obligated to greet everybody and to greet everyone with a proper greeting. How is it that specifically on Tisha B’av, the time that Klal Yisrael is punished for sin’as chinom there is a halachah that we have to practice this idea of aveilus and not greet people?
To explain his answer R’ Yisroel Reisman introduced the following idea. "Sometimes I am working on a computer and things don’t work. The printer appears suddenly to be disconnected from the computer or something freezes on the screen. I don’t know much about computers but someone taught me a trick. He said if things aren’t working just shut the computer down and turn it on again. Shut the printer and turn it on again. Very often just by resetting it it will work properly. For human beings I have heard such a thing as well. Many years ago I heard of a refuah for people who have certain speech impediments that they are told to say nothing for a week. Then to start speaking again with a coach, as children speak. This actually came to me in the form of a shailah. Someone who was going to undergo this therapy told me about this idea about being quiet and not to say a word for a week and asked me what to do about shema and berachos. At any rate, there is such a refuah to say nothing and start again. What is the idea? The idea is that when you do things out of habit, then very often you do it in an improper way. Reset! Start again! Don’t speak! Then start again and consciously speak. If you do things consciously then you will do it right. Sometimes when you shut things down and you start it up again, it is good."
Rav Druk explains, that very often we greet people and talk to people, however, we don’t mean it. The pasuk in Yirmiyah says that Yirmiyah complained as it says: בפי שלום את רעהו ידבר – "People say shalom aleichem to their friend", ובקרבו ישים ארבו – "and inside this person is plotting against the very person he is greeting." Greetings have become meaningless. If you ask someone how are you and he starts to actually answer the question you run the other way.
Rav Druk adds, if there is something Hashem really hates, it is the hypocrisy of people talking in the language of greetings and caring when they are really very far from it. On Tisha B’Av we reset things and we go through a period of mourning where we don’t greet our chaveirim and then we start again. If we take a day of Tisha B’Av to reflect on ahava, on ahavas chaveirim, dibuk chaveirim and we take the time to reflect on what Klal Yisrael needs to do then we can reset the greeting of our friend. We can appreciate it the next day and it can be more meaningful.
