Parshas Matos opens with Moshe Rabbeinu addressing the heads of the shevatim, the roshei matos, telling them: “This is the thing that Hashem has commanded.” The Imrei Noam notes that the use of the word “matos” hints at “matah,” meaning “downward.” There are two types of downward, he writes. The first is a removal of hashgachah elyonah, when harsh judgments are imposed and things really are hard, albeit always for a good reason. But there’s another type of downward which can appear superficially the same, although in fact it is for the purpose of taking us up again. This too is “the thing that Hashem has commanded,” and His hashgachah is present the entire time during a process that leads to our ultimate good.
The example the Imrei Noam gives is that of the sale of Yosef Hatzaddik by his brothers. Although it seemed like a terrible occurrence and one that spelled disaster for everyone involved, in the end it was a yeridah l’tzorech aliyah, and the means via which Hashem brought Bnei Yisrael into Mitzrayim and led them out again to receive the Torah.
Therefore, even when it seems like we are undergoing difficult times, we should thank Hashem for them with the understanding that they are taking us in the direction we need to go and are truly for our benefit — and one day, we may even merit to see how and why.
A similar idea is at work between parents and children, when children interpret their parents’ smol docheh as being designed to punish them, as they aren’t yet mature enough to appreciate the necessity of firm boundaries. The truth is that the principle of smol docheh v’yeminah mekaraves exists in all relationships, even between spouses. While happily and willingly giving in to one’s spouse is generally a wonderful thing, a marriage in which one spouse always feels obligated or pressured into backing down and giving in, lacks the appropriate boundaries and will almost certainly run into trouble. Knowing how and when to defend one’s boundaries and say “no” with respect and consideration is an important skill well worth mastering.
