At a Bar, a NUN stands and preaches to all who would listen: Drinking is Bad. Man: Have you tried it? Nun: No, Never. Man: Ok, you try once, if you don't like it, I'll give up Drinking. Nun: Ok, but bring it in Teacup, I don't want people seeing me drinking. Man goes to the bartender and says: Give me two Shots of Rum in Tea-Cups. Bartender: Is that NUN here again again?
A Surgeon, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the Surgeon, "G-d created Eve from Adam by form of surgery, so I amsure that mine is the oldest profession." "No," said the engineer, "before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create some semblance of order from this chaos. So engineering is older." "But," chirped the triumphant politician, "who do you think created the chaos?"
You know the story about the rabbi who in the middle of his Yizkor sermon on Yom Kippur, pounds on the table and says ‘Wake up to the fact that every single person in this congregation, myself included, is going to die!” And as he expected, everyone’s suddenly very alarmed, except for one man in the third row whose face breaks out into a broad smile. And the rabbi is so shocked, he points to this man and says, “so why are you so amused, aren’t you afraid?” And the man shrugs his shoulders and answers, “Well I’m not from this congregation. I’m just visiting my sister.
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks upset, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore ..." The man sighs and says, "It's started..."
