LETTERS OF THE LUBAVITCHER REBBE
Is This Guy Lovable?
Aron Moss
Question: As a social worker, I strive to live by the Torah's rule "Love your fellow as yourself." But the fellow I'm working with now is so obnoxious, rude, unpleasant and devious, that I can find nothing lovable about him. Are there exceptions to the rule of loving your fellow?
Response: If "love your fellow" only applied to easy-to-love fellows, we wouldn't need to be commanded to do it. The Torah is challenging us to love the difficult cases too. Now you have an opportunity to practise that with your not-so-lovable client.
Here's a meditation that might help.
Think of that person whom you struggle to love, and imagine them as a newborn baby. All babies are lovable and innocent, and he was once that too. Now look at him as he is today, but imagine that baby-like innocence inside him, lying deep in the recesses of his heart. That is his soul, trapped underneath his obnoxious personality.
Every person, no matter how horrible they seem on the outside, has a soul. That soul is as innocent and pure as a newborn. It may be buried underneath layers of unpleasantness, it may be almost undetectable in their day-to-day interactions, but it is still there, and it remains untouched by their negativity.
Considering this may not immediately make him lovable. But it can at least arouse some compassion for his poor stunted soul. That baby is also a victim of his bad choices. If you can feel a little pity, you can find some love for the spark of innocence trapped within.
We should not love evil. We should not accept anyone's bad behaviour. But we can love every soul. And if we can hold on to the belief that deep down that soul is lovable, we may be able to help their innocence come to the surface.
