A Blessing at Dinner
Leah Epstein invites some family and friends to dinner and at the table, she turns to her 6 year old daughter Rivkah and says, "Darling, don’t forget to make a bracha (blessing)."
"But Mommy, I don't know what bracha to say," replies Rivkah.
"All you need do," says Leah, "is to repeat what you heard Mommy say."
Rivkah thinks for a moment and says, "God, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
A Big Catch
An Israeli man named Itzik was returning home from a fishing trip at the Sea of Galilee. He was flying down the highway, going way too fast. He felt secure amongst a pack of cars, all traveling at the same speed. However, it wasn't long before he saw flashing lights in his review mirror and pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature, and was about to walk away when Itzik stopped him. "Officer, I know I was speeding," he started, "but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
The officer tilted his head and gestured at the fishing gear stowed on the passenger seat. "I see you like fishing," he said.
"Ummm, yes I do... so?" Itzik replied, confused.
The officer grinned as he turned to leave. "Ever catch ALL the fish?"
A Fly in my Coffee
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?
The Italian - throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage
The Frenchman - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee
The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee
The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a Device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union for a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, and the Chinese, are trying to explain to the Israeli why he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian.
A Prescription Perspective
70 year old Yankel Sapperstein makes an appointment to see his doctor.
"So how can I help you?" asks Doctor Levy.
"I was speaking to my pharmacist yesterday and he suggested I should ask you to change my prescription," replies Yankel. "And he also suggests that you check the prescription you've given to Miss Jones."
"That's a bit of a chutzpah, don't you think, Yankel?" says Doctor Levy. "Since when does a pharmacist query a qualified doctor's diagnosis?"
"Since he discovered that I've been on birth control pills for the last two months," replies Yankel.
