The Saraf of Strelisk zy”a quotes the Gemara (Kesuvos 50A) that says: “Do tzedakah at all times. (Tehillim 26:3)” This refers to one who financially supports his sons and daughters. He says that one might try to exempt himself from helping others by saying that he has already fulfilled his obligation to give tzedakah by supporting his family members. To counter this claim, the verse says that one should do tzedakah “at all times”, meaning that in addition to helping one’s family, one must help others as well.
The Satmar Rov zy”a once asked a wealthy man to give a certain sum for a specific tzedakah cause. The man responded that all his maaser money went to supporting his sons and sons-in-law, who were exceptional talmidei chochomim, and he had nothing left for anyone else. The Rov told him, “The Torah says (Devarim 16:11): ‘And you shall rejoice before Hashem... you and your sons and your daughters and your servants and maidservants, and the Levi who is in your gates, and the convert and the orphan and widow who is in your midst.’ Rashi explains: ‘The four that are Mine are in accordance with the four that are yours. If you make Mine happy, I will make yours happy.’ (The pasuk mentions four people who are part of one’s household: sons, daughters, servants and maidservants, and four that are ‘Hashem’s’: Leviim, orphans, widows and converts. This indicates that if one takes care of Hashem’s people, He will take care of his people.)”
The Rov asked, “Why does it say that a person has to bring joy to his servant and maidservant? Why isn’t it enough to bring joy to his sons and daughters (sons-in-law) who are talmidei chochomim? We see from here that one must also bring joy to others, even if they are not related to him. If one does this, Hashem promises to ensure that ‘his people’ will always be happy.”
The opposite is also sometimes true. There are some people who distribute money to the poor and needy but neglect their own relatives. This too is not a good middah. One must help his family members, in fulfillment of the Torah’s words that “you shall not abandon your flesh”, and also give funds to others.
In this vein, it is related that a man told the Satmar Rov that he gave a lot of money to tzedakah but not to his poor brother because he did not get along with him. The Rov told him, “The same yeitzer hara that persuades you to give tzedakah to others so that you can attain kovod persuades you to ignore your brother because no one will know about it and you won’t get any honor.”
