RABBI BEN ZION SNEH
It’s a natural tendency – a survival instinct, in fact – to think of ourselves, primarily. Self-preservation and self-promotion help us achieve what we need to in this life. But as the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos urges - join the students of Avrohom Avinu, not Bilaam Harasha. Among the three defining characteristics that this membership entails is having an Eyin Tovah, the ability to think well of others in each and every situation.
Among the hardest things is the directive not to speak ill of anyone - Lashon Harah. Yes, we are all still working on this mitzvah- it’s been a long, long time for us as a nation, but we mustn’t give up. Our tradition is that once we control our impulses and master this commandment, the two thousand year old exile will end and our nation will return to its rightful glory.
But let’s start at the source. We are obsessed with getting ahead, and sometimes compassion takes a back seat to the drive to succeed. When this happens, relationships can suffer. Parents fail to impart important life lessons to their children. Wives and husbands feel as if they are strangers in their own home. Friendships become shallow. Meaning, warmth, and substance fall to the side in this train wreck we call our lives.
Of course everyone deals with these challenges on a different level of intensity. I have illustrated an extreme manifestation of this way of life. But if truth be told, we are all victims. The “me” generation has joined forces with Generation X, Y, and Z, and the results are frightening. But rather than dwell on negative implications, let’s focus on Eyin Tovah as a means to climb out of the hole we’ve found ourselves in.
One of the Gedolei Chesed, the Kapishnitzer Rebbe, zt”l ,illustrates this goal. The Rebbe’s family was puzzled. A poor man had come out of the tzaddik’s study wearing a brand new hat recently purchased for the Rebbe.
The Rebbe explained, “The man was poorer than poor.. A broken soul, full of sorrow. The hat he wore on his head was torn, worn out, and hardly recognizable as a piece of clothing. I sat with him for a while, but unfortunately my words could not elevate him. Before he left, I took my new hat out of the closet and gave it to him. There are no words to describe what I witnessed. The light returned to his eyes, and he wished me well. He felt a renewed sense of self-worth, which my words alone could not have achieved.”
“Yes, of course, we understand.” they replied. “But surely the Rebbe's older hat (which he was wearing now) would have also helped him. Why did you give him the better hat?”
“It all depends how you look at it,” the Rebbe replied. “In the next world, we wear the beautiful clothes created by our good deeds. By that standard, the more I gladdened the poor man's heart, the bigger my reward. If I really believe this, then it’s all very simple – the hat that I kept is really the ‘better hat.’”
The Rebbe, who was well known as a paradigm of Ahavas Yisroel,has taught us a lesson that, while difficult to achieve, gives us all something to strive for.
Written by R’ Avrohom Hillel Reich based on a lesson and story by Harav Ben Tziyon Sneh Shlita
