How Good Are the Tents of Klal Yisrael
Maintaining The Right Kind of Privacy
Minding the Right Business
The Gemara (Bava Basra 60a) teaches us that a person should not make a window or a door opposite the opening of his neighbor. How do we know this? Because the pasuk says, “And Bilaam raised his eyes and saw Klal Yisrael resting each one by its shevet” (Bamidbar 24:2). What did he notice? asks the Gemara. He noticed that the doorways of their tents were facing away from those of their neighbors. “Thus,” he said, “this People is worthy that the Shechinah should rest among them.”
Although Klal Yisrael was together in the desert for so long, and they went through travels and travails together, and they knew each other well by now—they were nevertheless careful to avoid placing their doorways opposite those of their neighbors. When Bilaam saw this, he understood that Klal Yisrael is worthy of השכינה השראת.
We see from here that the more we are careful not to pry into the affairs of others, the more we understand that everyone deserves their privacy, the more we merit the Presence of Hashem among us.
A Delicate Balance
At the same time, we know that Yidden are unique in the aspect of caring deeply for one another, and when someone lacks something, it is our duty to know about it and to help them in every way possible—and this, too, is a vehicle for השכינה השראת.
A person asks his friend, “Don’t you know that I have a bachur at home who is already 26 years old?” And he answers, “No. The Torah lauds Klal Yisrael for minding their own business... so how would I know about your problems? I live my life, in my own world....” Clearly, this is the opposite of love for a fellow Yid. Loving other Yidden means displaying interest in their lives, davening for their success, and paying attention to what is lacking in their lives.
A goy could be found living alone on the top of a mountain in complete seclusion... having nothing to do with other people. But a Yid thrives on communal life, on togetherness. How would a Yom Tov look if we were to celebrate it alone? It wouldn’t be called Yom Tov! We prepare for Yom Tov together. On Purim we gift Mishloach Manos to one another, eating and drinking together, and so forth regarding all the Yamim Tovim.
This would imply that the more distant we are from one another, chas v’shalom, the less השכינה השראת we merit. How do we reconcile this with what we learned about the greatness of Klal Yisrael in remaining separate from one another?
Now, surely everyone can distinguish on some level between interest that is healthy and suitable and prying that goes beyond the proper boundaries. Nevertheless, we must delve into this sugya, for even on a practical level... if we display too much interest in the lives of our fellow, we will learn information that we aren’t meant to know, and if we express too little interest, we may not even know the things that we must know in order to help them and be there for them.
Clearly, there is a delicate balance that must be struck. On one hand, a person must live with deep brotherly love and togetherness with his fellow Yid, while at the same time retaining a healthy degree of separation. Let us look a little deeper at the entire sugya—for in truth, each side of this coin complements the other.
Our Bodies Are the Vessels for Our Missions
We know that every Yid comes to This World with a body and a soul. Our souls are all united, while our bodies remain separate. The reason for this is that the body is a levush for the neshamah, enabling it to carry out the mission for which it came to This World. The body is its messenger... to put on tefillin, to run to shul, to make purchases l’kavod Shabbos, and so on—all so the neshamah should be able to fulfill its mission on earth.
HaKadosh Baruch Hu designed things in such a way that every single soul has its own unique levush; there isn’t even one that is the same as the next, for the mission of each is unique and different. This is what Chazal meant when they said, “דיעותיהם כך שווים אינם שפרצופיהם כשם שוות אינן, just as people’s faces aren’t the same, so too their perspectives are different” (Yerushalmi Berachos 9:1). Each person’s mindset and attitude are the levush, the vehicle for the fulfillment of one’s mission on earth.
Thus, just as the rest of the body is different from everyone else’s, so too is his mentality explicitly designed to be different, because his mission is different.
Each Person with His Unique Mission
At the exalted Source in Shamayim, all of our neshamos are utterly one, together with HaKadosh Baruch Hu; there is no separation at all between them. It is only on This World, after one part of the neshamah descends to the lower worlds, that every soul receives its own levush—and the separation between them is expressed in many aspects: The body of each person is different, the mentality of each person is different, the surroundings of each person are different—all so a person should be able to reach sheleimus, completeness, through his unique avodah.
Now, at its root, the avodah of every Yid is the same: to ultimately arrive at the recognition of Hashem and to become davuk in the mitzvah of אלוקיך ה’ אנכי, and the only way to arrive at this is through the 613 mitzvos. There is no other way. There are, however, differences in emphasis. Some people need to emphasize the aspect of Torah more, for some people it is tefillah, and for some people the primary avodah is teshuvah. We see clearly that some neshamos descend to this world enveloped in darkness, and they must find their way back through teshuvah... and some people were sent down by Hashem in a purer form. Every person is placed in a different place, a different time, a different nefesh, a different levush, in order to be able to attain deveikus in Hashem, each according to his unique pathway.
Sharing the Neshamah, Not the Levush
When it comes to the importance of maintaining privacy [their openings were positioned away from those of their neighbors], it is a lifestyle of modesty that is asked of us. “I live my life; you live your life... I shouldn’t look, and it’s wrong to look... looking at others will only interfere with my happiness and fulfillment in life.”
What does this mean? When a person probes into the levush, the outer aspects of another person—meaning, his life and the items he has—it evokes וכבוד תאוה קנאה, jealousy, lust, and the desire for honor. Jealousy, because he says to himself, “Look how much money this person has... ahh, he purchased a new car...” and so on. Lust/desire, because looking at the things belonging to his neighbor causes him to desire those things for himself. (Jealousy is in the mind, while desire is in the heart and is aroused through the jealousy in the mind). Likewise, looking at other people and what they have arouses קנאה and תאוה for כבוד: “Wow, this person is so successful... they say he is one of the wealthiest people in the community today... I wish I ....”
The Right Side of The Coin
Channeling Our Abilities in the Right Way
Thus, this behavior of prying into other people’s lives arouses קנאה וכבוד תאוה—about which Chazal tell us העולם מן האדם את מוציאין, they take people out of This World. And when we say, “they take a person out of This World,” we mean that the person is unable to carry out his mission. Because the only purpose for attaining things in This World is so that we will attain our mission through those things. For example, if a person is blessed with the ability to understand people well—this is obviously so that he should help his fellow man, and this will be the sheleimus of his soul.
Now, if this person uses this ability in the wrong way, what does he do? He stands in shul and labels every person he sees. He holds forth to everyone: “Do you know why the gabbai gets into disagreements with everyone? Because he has this kind of disorder.” He has labeled all of his brothers-in-law, and he understands their disorders perfectly... he understands everything.
This person has taken the levush of being able to understand people and their innermost workings and used it for the opposite of fulfilling his purpose on earth. Thus, this is properly העולם מן האדם את מוציא, it takes him out of This World. As he is now preoccupied with וכבוד תאוה קנאה, he is unable to focus on his mission, because his heart is pulling him in the opposite direction.
Our Gifts Are a Two-Sided Coin
We find an interesting concept: The very gift with which he is meant to carry out his mission, when used in the wrong way is the very thing preventing him from fulfilling his mission. In the case we’re discussing, the very gift of his ability to understand people, when used to pry into the lives of others in inappropriate ways, will prevent him from carrying out his mission.
And the truth is that it is always this way: The klipah, (the undesirable exterior) is always the ohr, only it has been used in the wrong way, the wrong aspect of it has been utilized. And we will explain this concept:
When we find a person who has a deep understanding of politics; he is able to explain political matters in a way that it’s a pleasure to hear him and his political analysis... this is not some kind of coincidence... not merely a nisayon to see whether he will engage in lashon harah, rechilus, and idle chatter. No! There is a mission here! If you have the gift of understanding politics, you most likely have the ability to understand interpersonal conflict. You can likely help bring peace between man and wife, or between two business partners. You have the ability to get to the bottom of each side, explain each side to the other, and mediate between them in the ways of Aharon HaKohen.
A naïve person can’t accomplish this! Only you can do so, and this is your special mission.
What Will You Do with This Information?
Returning to our sugya of tzniyus and privacy... imagine that a person lives in a building with dozens of neighbors, one on top of the other. Everyone can see what is taking place in the lives of their neighbors... and the reality is that you will hear things. A person goes to shul or to the grocery, and he hears something—this is the reality; we all hear things, sometimes sensitive things—the question is what he will do afterward. How much of his nefesh participated in what he just witnessed or heard?
If a person develops an emotional connection to these private matters, it will remain with him long after he left the scene, and he then delves further into the story by thinking about it. For example, a person is driving his car and notices a father talking to his son on the sidewalk. He has to keep his eyes open, because it would be unsafe to drive otherwise... and just by looking at their faces, he understands an entire story. What can he do? He didn’t mean to pry into their business, but he understood. How? Because he has very good intuition.
This type of scenario is very common, and when it occurs, a person must channel his thoughts from the improper way of seeing other people’s affairs to the proper direction. This is the avodah of פתחיהם אין מכוונים, their doorways were positioned away from one another.
You Know This for a Reason
This means as follows: From the aspect of neshamah, I am one with this person. I understand him and what is transpiring in his life, and it seems to be important that I should know this information about him. For if I wouldn’t have an awareness of what is happening to my neighbor, I would never be able to help him or daven for him. Therefore, Hashem implanted in each of us an intuition to be able to understand people. Thus, a person can go over to another person after davening, ask him why he looks a bit downcast, and then seek to help him in every way possible. Otherwise, there could not be proper השכינה השראת.
At the same time, there’s another side to this... the klipah of our ability to see and intuit. And this is when a person doesn’t say to himself, “What is my mission in this? For what purpose did this information come to me?” Instead, he turns to the wrong side. He says, for example, “I don’t understand why they accepted this person as a maggid shiur! Doesn’t the committee know anyone better?” He uses his intuition to evoke thoughts of וכבוד תאוה קנאה—instead of thinking how he can help others.
Another example of a person who utilizes his intuition to fulfill his mission on earth: A person drives by his friend’s home and notices that something is broken. He immediately buys a new part, and calls his friend to let him know that he is on his way over to fix it. Within a short time, he is done with the whole thing, not needing any recognition for it.
Every person has this ability to understand what is going on around him, each person according to his tachlis, his mission. The question is what your brain will do with this information. Will it be used for something positive, to help another person (which is a part of your mission on earth)? Or will you use the information for thoughts of וכבוד תאוה קנאה.
The Severity of Arousing Jealousy in Others
Don’t Overshare
Of course, a person must do everything he can to pay attention to the right things and ignore the things that are none of his affair—to “position his doorway away from that of his neighbor.” To live a life predicated on the fact that what is not important for me to know, what my neighbor doesn’t want me to know, I won’t even pay attention to it. Because the nature of humans is that when they hear too much about other people, it arouses וכבוד תאוה קנאה.
Every person must say, “Let me contribute to the השכינה השראת in Klal Yisrael by maintaining privacy.” If I publicize my successes, spiritual or material, I will arouse וכבוד תאוה קנאה in others. Because of my oversharing, people will walk around under the impression that I am a success (because they won’t know all of my struggles that I endure to attain my success), and this will bring strife, because it will cause people to try and find flaws in me and bring me down, in turn causing the שכינה to depart from Klal Yisrael. Therefore, I will do everything to hide my successes.”
Thuse, two neighbors who live together or two friends who love one another, if they are smart, and they want to attain their tachlis, will share only what is important for avodas Hashem, or to gain counsel from one another. Everything else remains close to the vest.
Do You Feel That Empty?
Two people who reveal too much to one another for no purpose, are akin to those who position their doorways opposite those of their neighbors, arousing וכבוד תאוה קנאה in one another. Why is he showing everyone pictures of his adventures and escapades? Most likely, he feels so empty that his only hope is if people will envy him or crave what he has...this will fill the great void within him. This is why he goes around showing off: “I went here, I went there.... I ate this, I ate here....” This is so foolish! The only reason for doing so is to arouse וכבוד תאוה קנאה in other people.
The same applies to ruchaniyus accomplishments. Why is it so important that others should know? It is true that there’s a concept of חכמה תרבה סופרים קנאת, being envious of a talmid chacham increases wisdom.... But overall, the Yiddishe trait is to be modest and careful not to reveal what doesn’t need to be revealed, not to “position their doorways opposite those of our neighbors.”
Don’t Show Off Your Successes
Some make the mistake of thinking that among close friends, it is okay to reveal personal successes, etc. This is not correct. Perhaps to a father or a rebbi, a person could relate his successes, for we are taught in the Gemara, “One does not become jealous of his son or his pupil” (Sanhedrin 105b). But to brothers? Brothers-in-law? This brings so much destruction! So much aggravation!
It is common for people to make a Shabbaton for families, and it can be a very nice thing. It can bring together families and foster love and brotherhood. It can be a wonderful thing... but this must be done with much forethought. How many times do we find that when families gather together, it becomes an occasion for some to show off their successes! This brother is still waiting for children.... This sister has a sick child, R”l.... Another brother is struggling with his son. Did you pause to consider what feelings this gathering may arouse in them? Is it really worth it—all things considered?
When people come together and their goal is to show off their successes, the pain and aggravation is terrible—as though Chanukah was created so we can show off how well we can dress our children.... This is damage that people do to themselves... and it can sometimes take years for the pain of these events to subside.
This is in addition to the concern of ayin hara, not to arouse ayin hara in others. But that’s not our discussion here. We’re talking about issues of d’Oraisa... Shulchan Aruch issues.... Is it permitted to cause pain to others? “Positioning doorways opposite those of your neighbor” means that others see your success, and their jealousy is aroused.
Adult Tantrums Are Internal
Young children tell us this explicitly. A child comes home and says, “Mommy, I want this toy.” Why? “Because my friend has it.” And the mother says, “We can’t...” or “We’ll ask Totty....” And the child throws a tantrum, kicking and screaming on the floor. The mother says to herself, “Doesn’t the mother of this other child have the sense not to send her child to yeshivah with this toy? Don’t I have enough on my head? I need to deal with this now?”
This occurs with all young children. There’s a tantrum.... There is strife and jealousy, and then the child calms down. Regarding adults, it is much worse—because the pain stays inside, in a person’s heart. He won’t come home and say, “Why can’t we have good children like this one...” or “Why can’t we get a new house like that one.... We just need
