For your specific issue, once you have clear Torah guidance, you will find things far simpler to deal with. It can help a lot to respectfully respond to anyone who questions you with a straight-forward, “I asked my rav, and this is what he told me to do.” Sometimes, however, it’s more respectful and even easier to make it clear, in advance, that you’ll be asking a rav. I recall one such instance when a young man told his father-in-law that he would agree to whatever a rav of his father-in-law’s choosing said on a certain issue, and after accepting the offer, the father-in-law was utterly taken aback at the rav’s psak, but reluctantly agreed to accept it.
If, after presenting the issue as resolved as far as you are concerned, your parents still insist on bringing it up, you can calmly and very respectfully respond that you are following daas Torah, and that while you understand that they are only concerned about your welfare, you would really appreciate it if they stopped discussing this issue entirely.
Between husband and wife, however, it’s usually better for both of them to be involved in the process of framing the question to be asked and discussing it afterward. While there are cases where it’s more appropriate for one spouse to ask and only then tell the other, “This is what the rav said,” in general people should avoid giving the other spouse the impression that something was addressed behind their back.
Once a person has a response from daas Torah on whatever the issue is, you might still need some help. That’s where the question to someone like myself becomes: “This is what my rav told me to do: Please can you tell me the best way to relay it or implement it?”
