The donkey said to Bilaam (22:28) עָשִׂיתִי מֶה רְגָלִים ׁשׁ ָלֹש זֶה הִכִּית ָנִי כִּי ָלְך, "What have I done to you that you have struck me three times?"
Then the donkey said to Bilaam (22:30) הֲלוֹא הִס ְכַּנְתִּי הַהַס ְכֵּן ה ַזֶּה ה ַיּוֹם עַד מֵעוֹדְךָ עָלַי ָּרָכ ַבְת ֶׁראֲש ָאֲתֹנְך א ָנֹכִי לֹא וַיֹּאמֶר כֹּה ָלְך לַעֲש ׂוֹת, "Am I not your donkey that you have ridden all your life until this day? Have I been accustomed to doing such a thing to you?" He said "No."
Chazal (Yalkut Shimoni ch.45, remez 152) say, "Bilaam was the wise man of the nations of the world, but he couldn't stand up to the rebuke of his donkey, as it states, הִס ְכַּנְתִּי הַהַס ְכֵּן לֹא וַיֹּאמֶר כֹּה ָלְך לַעֲש ׂוֹת, 'Have I been accustomed to do such a thing to you?' He said, 'No.'"
Notice that the Midrash discusses the donkey's second statement, to call it a rebuke. But what rebuke is mentioned here? It would seem more appropriate to write that the rebuke was the donkey's first statement, when the donkey said, (22:28) כִּי ָלְך עָשִׂיתִי מֶה רְגָלִים ׁשׁ ָלֹש זֶה הִכִּית ָנִי, "What have I done to you that you have struck me three times?"
Reb Avraham Pam zt'l (rosh yeshiva of Torah v'Daas) explains the donkey's rebuke when it said לֹא וַיֹּאמֶר כֹּה ָלְך לַעֲש ׂוֹת הִס ְכַּנְתִּי הַהַס ְכֵּן, "Have I been accustomed to do such a thing to you?" is indeed a very reprimanding rebuke, as we explain:
The donkey said to Bilaam, "Why do you hit me? Did it ever occur that I have left the main road and caused you to go the wrong way? Or did I ever before press your leg into the gate? You should have understood that if I did so today, I had a good reason to act that way. So why did you hit me? Why didn't you realize that there must be a good reason for my behavior?"
Bilaam had nothing to respond to this rebuke.
Let us learn from this the following lesson: When someone is generally kind and reasonable towards you, and then he suddenly acts cruelly, and says unkind words, and the like, realize that there must be an explanation. This person never acts that way (or hardly ever acts that way), which proves that this person isn't cruel, and he isn't out to harm you. If it happened once, recognize that there is an explanation.
Perhaps he is going through a hard, difficult period in his life, and it is hard for him to control himself. If this isn't the explanation, there is certainly some other explanation. So, be understanding, don't jump to conclusions, and don't become angry. Certainly don't respond with unkind words of your own. Don't embarrass him, and don't hold a grudge against him. Recognize that he might need some chizuk and support at this time in his life.
Many disputes begin from a misunderstanding. The yetzer hara doesn't give up on the opportunity to turn a misinterpretation into full-fledged machlokes, which can last a long time.
Here's an example: Someone didn't receive a wedding invitation, although he is a neighbor or relative. He thinks it is intentional. He becomes angry with him, and a machlokes develops. However, it is very likely that no negative thoughts were intended. Perhaps the invitation got lost in the mail, or he simply forgot to invite him, or perhaps the invitation will come after the chasunah, etc. Mistakes happen. But if you think it was intentional, and your wife and children get involved, it can result in a feud, which can all be for nothing at all.
How much people suffer from misconceptions! We have an example of this from this week's parashah. Balak and his nation were afraid that Bnei Yisrael would wage war against them. Therefore, they called for Bilaam to curse them. Bilaam didn't come the first time, so they called him a second time, with more prestigious officers coming to his door. This was all because they feared (22:4) כִּ לְ חֹךְ סְבִיבֹתֵינוּ כָּל אֶת הַקָּהָל יְלַח ֲכוּ עַת ָּה הַשָּׂדֶה יֶרֶק אֵת ּ ׁוֹרהַש, "Now the congregation will lick up our entire surroundings as an ox licks up the greenery of the field."
But there was nothing to fear. Bnei Yisrael would never fight a war against Moav. Hashem commanded (Devarim 2:9) אֶת תָּצַר אַל לִבְנֵי כִּי ָּׁהיְרֻש מֵא ַרְצוֹ ָלְך אֶתֵּן לֹא כִּי מ ִלְחָמָה בָּם תִּת ְגָּר וְאַל מוֹאָב ָּׁהיְרֻש עָר אֶת נָתַתִּי לוֹט, "You shall not distress Moav, and you shall not provoke war with them, for I shall not give you an inheritance from their land, for to the children of Lot have I given Ar [the land of Moav] as an inheritance."
Bnei Yisrael had no plan of fighting a war with them, and they weren't permitted to do so. The Moabites turned over the world to stop the Jewish nation, but the whole matter was a misunderstanding, and they had nothing to fear.
This is what happens to people. They imagine that someone wants to harm them, or other imaginations, and this steals their peace of mind. They aren't able to sleep at night, they pay a lot of money to prevent it, but it is all based on a notion, an imagination, which wasn't even true.
Then he becomes angry. He says to himself, "I always try to help him, why does this 'rasha' refuse to help me? What did I do to him that he acts toward me this way?" He continues stewing in these angry thoughts as he arrives at his friend's home (or his friend of the past). He knocks on the door. As soon as the door opens, he pours out his anger, and says, "I don't want your favors. Don't lend me any money. From today on, I don't want to know you anymore," and he slams the door shut, so loudly, that the neighbors down the street heard it. The friend, in his home, stands there in shock, not knowing what just happened, and which loan he was talking about.
This is the way of people; they imagine something that isn't true, and become angry about it, but it is all a misunderstanding or a wrong assumption and not based on reality.
One of the gedolei hador asked a question: Together with Korach were 250 leaders of the Sanhedrin, all great talmidei chachamim and tzaddikim. How could a regular person know which side to join, Korach or Moshe? This is a test that one doesn't know what to do! But there is an easy solution: Look out and see which side is silent during the machlokes. That is a clear sign that they are right. With every machlokes, the silent one is correct. This is such a simple and certain rule that even regular people should be able to discern that אמת ותרותו אמת משה, because he was silent... The source for this concept is the Gemara (Kiddushin 71b) יחוסא היינו דבבל שתיקותא, "those who are quiet in Bavel (that is a sign that they have good yichus)."
With this concept, it states (Avos 1:16-17) משתיקה יותר טוב לגוף מצאתי ולא החכמים בין גדלתי ימי כל אומר בנו שמעון..., "Shimon the son of Raban Gamliel said, 'My entire life I was raised among chachamim and I didn't find anything good for the body more than silence." This means I was raised among chachamim, and I noticed that the silent one is the correct one.
So, before jumping to conclusions, give your fellow man the benefit of the doubt. Things are often not as we perceive them.
