Dear Rabbi Gruen,
I’ve been married a few years now, and this issue started pretty soon after I got married. My parents, for all they are wonderful people, so loving and devoted, are very strict in many areas, and very “by the book” in the way they do things. But my husband made it clear from the first that there were things he wanted me to do differently from the way my parents had taught me.
I knew that my parents would take it really hard, because these were things that are very important to them, so I stalled a lot, and didn’t make the changes my husband wanted so fast. I kept putting things off, but eventually I couldn’t bear the tension this was causing, so I finally resolved to do things the way my husband asked me to, and my shalom bayis improved so much.
The problem now is that my parents see me as a failure. They have no problem telling this to me to my face. They say that I should have stood up to my husband and refused to do things that my family finds unacceptable.
I feel horrible about the situation and I just don’t know if I did the right thing. Maybe Hashem also thinks I’m a failure, I don’t know. I’d really appreciate your advice here.
Also, I have a younger sister who is still unmarried and living at home. My parents have similar complaints about her — they don’t like the way she dresses, or the kind of books she reads. They call her a failure, too, and I’d like to know how I can give her chizuk because I know she takes it hard.
Thank you so much.
