The first thing I’d like to point out with regard not only to this question but also to so many questions and issues that arise in people’s lives is: If only people had a rav, or someone who can give clear Torah guidance and practical advice, things would be so much more straight-forward. There’s no way that I can possibly give any specific guidance on such issues without being familiar with the people involved, their backgrounds, as well as the specifics. All this is aside from the fact that I’m not a rav. Everyone needs a personal daas Torah involved in their life, someone who knows them and their circumstances and who can take everything relevant into account before issuing clear guidance. Once you do have that, you should definitely feel confident to proceed with the guidance you’re getting. Being that I believe this is really 90 percent of the answer to your question, let me elaborate just a bit.
Getting Torah guidance is relevant whenever someone is in doubt, but this is particularly so when someone is stuck between two people who are significant in their life and feeling torn and confused. When someone is actively being pulled in two opposing directions it can be really hard to maintain the clarity needed to decide on the correct path.
This is even more so regarding a conflict between a spouse and a parent — two Torah obligations! The degree of obligation one has to a parent depends on many factors, including whether or not one is married, and whether the parent will know if the child disobeys.
On the other hand, while it’s well-known that Hashem commands us to erase His Name in order to restore peace between husband and wife, some people mistakenly take this to mean that when it comes to shalom bayis, “anything goes.” This is absolutely wrong. Just as one may not transgress the Torah’s commandments even if one’s father or mother orders it, the same applies with a spouse.
