This vigilance—being careful and sensitive not to overshare or pry into the affairs of another—helps foster love and brotherhood between friends and family. If, instead of gathering for a Shabbos, family members would reach out to those in the family who are struggling, and tell them, “I am davening for you,” and listen to them... it would accomplish far more connection and love than any gathering could.
And again, we aren’t belittling the benefits of family gatherings. But we must think it through and proceed with sensitivity. Often, the thought arises, “Why must there always be one of us who wants to ‘ruin’ things.” Think a little bit... do you really think he is just trying to ruin your program? He is obviously struggling with something—something connected to his tafkid, his mission on This World—that prevents him from wanting to participate in your gathering. It’s wonderful that you’re in a situation that everything is perfect for you, and you’re able to go into public settings with peace of mind. But he isn’t. Life isn’t perfect. This is how the world was created. There will always be people struggling with something, and we must be mindful and sensitive to them.
We’ve already mentioned the issue of ayin hara... let’s leave aside the matter of how it can, chas v’shalom be very damaging—as is brought down in numerous places in Chazal—but let us think for a moment, why is it so important for us, for example, to impress other people with the way our children are dressed? You can rest assured that it’s better for us not to impress others.
The same applies to adults. A person should always buy new clothing when needed, and one should appear clean and presentable, but does the shtreimel really need to be that high? Obviously, it’s to impress other people—and dazzling people is something that we expressly do not want, when we think about it.
