The Gemara in Pesachim (68b) discusses a dispute regarding the proper way to spend our time on Yom Tov: Can the day be spent completely engrossed in spiritual matters such as prayer and Torah study, or should these activities be combined with earthly enjoyment such as eating and drinking? The Gemara adds that Shavuos is an exception, as everyone agrees that we must also engage in physical pleasures on the day the Torah was given.
The Gemara cites the practice of Rav Yosef to make a lavish meal on Shavuos, as he remarked that if not for the Torah that we received on this day, we would be indistinguishable from all the other people in the marketplace. Rashi writes that the Torah that Rav Yosef learned uplifted him, so he made a sumptuous meal to celebrate and express his joy.
Rav Yehuda Wagschal notes that Rav Yosef’s simcha was not just with the Torah, but also with himself, as he became elevated through his learning. However, this is difficult to understand, as the Luchos we received on Shavuos were broken when Moshe descended the mountain 40 days later and saw the eigel hazahav [golden calf], and it was only on Yom Kippur that he returned with the second set of Luchos.
The Gemara (Eiruvin 54a) explains that our Torah learning today is fundamentally different than what would have been possible if we had retained the first Luchos. It would have been impossible to forget Torah, and we would have automatically remembered everything we ever learned. We also would have been able to understand the entire Torah without exertion, simply by looking at the Luchos.
The second set of Luchos did not possess this power, and as a result, we must toil to comprehend what we learn, and we must constantly review it so we do not forget it. If so, why did Rav Yosef celebrate the giving of the Torah on Shavuos when the Torah he learned and through which he became uplifted and distinguished from everyone else in the marketplace was that which was given to Moshe on Yom Kippur?
The Torah (Shemos 32:16) says the writing on the Luchos was engraved (charus), from which the Mishnah in Avos (6:2) derives that only someone who engages in Torah study has true freedom (cheirus). How can someone connected to the Torah be considered free when he has so many obligations and prohibitions? Seemingly the opposite is true, as a person who can do whatever he wants whenever he wants enjoys unrestricted freedom.
The Nefesh HaChaim (1:6) writes that when Adam was created, he had a yetzer horah [evil inclination], but it was external in the form of the nachash [serpent] and was not part of him. Adam’s core was solely his pure neshama [soul]. After he sinned by eating the forbidden fruit, the yetzer horah entered him, and from this point onward, man’s desire to sin comes from within. Nevertheless, our pure essence remains the same, even as the yetzer horah tries to dupe us into thinking, “I want to do this aveirah [sin].” In reality, our “I” is still our unsullied neshama which is repulsed by sin.
A person who cuts himself off from the Torah and feels free to do anything he wants is actually the greatest slave. His true essence is being pulled on a leash by his yetzer horah, which convinces him that this is what he wants to do, but this is not really him. His real self has lost control and is disgusted by his choices. Only a person who clings to the Torah can connect to his true inner self – his neshama – and distinguish between what I want and what my yetzer horah is telling me
