A wealthy fool paid a lot to get a son-in-law, a talmid chacham. He proudly showed off his scholarly son-in-law to his friends, calling him "My nachas."
Someone asked him, “You always talk about how special your son-in-law is, but what about your daughter? Is she also special?” The wealthy man replied, "I don’t have a daughter." The friend asked, "How do you have a son-in-law if you don’t have a daughter?" The wealthy man replied, "For years, I watched wealthy people proudly walking around with their scholarly sons-in-law, so I also wanted a son-in-law, a talmid chacham. I paid a lot of money and got one. I don’t have a daughter, but at least I have a son-in-law, a talmid chacham..."
The nimshal is that, before Shavuos, everyone takes haircuts, cuts their nails, and puts on new clothing... They want to be the chasan...but mustn't forget that they have nothing without the kallah, the Torah.
The Search for a True Talmid Chacham
Reb Azriel Lebovitz zy"a (rav of the Vien community in America) was the student of the gaon, the Levushei Mordechai, who was the rav of Mada, zt'l, and one of the leading poskim before the Second World War. Reb Azriel once asked his rebbe, "Why did you choose Reb Yosef Tzvi Dushinsky as your son-in-law? What was special about him over other bachurim?"
The Mada Rav told him that when his daughter reached the age of shidduchim, he traveled to Pressburg, to the yeshiva of the Shevet Sofer zt'l, to seek a shidduch for his daughter. The Shevet Mussar asked him what type of bachur he is looking for, and the Mada Rav replied, "I am looking for המעלות כליל, a perfect bachur, in all ways." The Shevet Sofer replied, "I can't help you with that. Go to the beis medresh, there are many very special bachurim there. Choose your 'Esrog'."
The Mada Rav came to the beis medresh but didn't know how to choose. There were many young talmidei chachamim there, learning with hasmadah. There were many good candidates, and he couldn't decide. He did notice one bachur who sat and cried a lot.
The Mada Rav returned to the Shevet Sofer and said that he wants to stay overnight, and the next day, he would go to the beis medresh again, to find a bachur for his daughter. The next day, he came to the beis medresh, and once again, he was surprised to see this bachur crying. The Mada Rav felt sorry for this young man. He figured that he probably needed something, or perhaps someone had made fun of him... He asked the bachur why he was crying, and whether he could help him. The bachur replied, "You can't help me." The Mada Rav said, "Maybe I can help? What do you need?" The bachur replied, "No." He doesn't need his help.
The Mada Rav went to the Shevet Sofer and asked him about the bachur crying so much. The rosh yeshiva (the Shevet Sofer) called for this bachur and asked why he was crying. The bachur replied, "I don't need anything. It is just that I have been learning a difficult Tosfos for the past few days, and I didn't understand it properly. I can't go further and I can't sleep at night, so I cry and pray בתורתיך עינינו והאר."
The Mada Rav was impressed. This was the bachur he was looking for. He said to Reb Azriel, "I was certain that he would become a great talmid chacham and be one of the gedolim." We learn from this episode that the Mada Rav didn't choose his son-in-law solely because of his greatness in Torah. It was due to his thirst to know Torah, his determination not to give up, and his many tefillos to succeed in Torah. In the merit of his yearning, many tefillos and tears, the Mada Rav knew he would become a gadol in Torah.
Shavuos, we have a chasunah with the Torah, keviyachol. Who does Hashem choose to be His "son-in-law"? Those who genuinely desire to know Torah cry, pray, and plead to Hashem to teach them His Torah.
Rebbe Shmelke of Nikolsburg zt'l said it is impossible to say a true chiddush in Torah unless one has kavanah when by ahavah rabba and חונן אתה in Shemonah Esrei. A student asked, "I said a good chiddush today, and I didn't have kavanah by ahavah rabba and חונן אתה." Rebbe Shmelke asked him to repeat the chiddush. The student proudly repeated the chiddush, but Rebbe Shmelke showed him that the chiddush was faulty because it is impossible to say a true Torah chiddush without tefillah.
