Question
Hello Rabbi Mandel, I read Bitachon Weekly. I think you are the right person for me to ask this important question. I work with teens, and they are expressing extreme distress for doing Aveiros, telling me that they learned that they lose their Olam HaBah because they did an Aveira. And even when they do Teshuva, they go repeat the same Aveira again. Can you please be so kind to give me advice and sources to show them otherwise. I tell them that you’re not allowed to beat yourself up, internalize shame, and blame yourself so harshly. I don’t quite know how to explain that to them practically. Thank you so much.
Answer
There is a story with the Chazon Ish. There was a woman who went to the Israeli army, a religious woman, and she did all the wicked things in the universe. She was heavily involved in the worst of the worst of the worst! Finally, she decided that she had enough and she’s doing Teshuva. But she felt like two cents, and she couldn’t move, out of shame and depression; she felt “I'm the worst person”. She got ahold of the Chazon Ish, who could not meet with her, but through a Shaliach he told her the following: הִר ְהוּרֵיְעֲבֵירָהְקָשִ יןְמֵעֲבֵירָהְְיומאְכטְא Thinking of your sins is worse than sinning. That’s all she needed to hear. Today, she is the mother of a beautiful Torah'dike family with Alleh Maalos.
There are many sources all over the Torah, which is loaded with Chizuk. For instance: כֻּלּוְֹהָפַךְְְ לָבָןְטָהוֹרְהוּאְ a total Metzora is Tahor, but when there’s: בְָשְָרְחְַיְ healthy skin, he’s Tamei. How did that happen? And Parah Aduma is: מ טַהֵרְאֶתְהַט מֵאִיםְְו ְכוּ'ְ the Torah is constantly picking up the Baal Teshuva. The Rambam screams that the Baal Teshuva always looks down at himself, and שֶׁבַע יִפּוֹל צַדִ יק וָקָם משלי כד טז A Tzaddik falls seven times, and gets up! That’s the way it works; a Tzadik is always going to fall. Those who fall, said R' Wolbe in front of the whole Lakewood many years ago, those who are falling and always coming back; THAT’S the real thing. It’s a sign of life.
And I would add, they are holding up the whole world because they have difficulties. They are in the midst of the battle, so they are Davka bigger than everyone else. It’s a big, big mistake, and one of the hardest challenges for a Baal Teshuva to appreciate himself DESPITE HIS CONTINUOUS SINS (it doesn’t mean that he should continue!) But if he’s just trying; for the pain and the struggles that he has, he holds up the entire universe. טוֹב פַּעַם אַחַת בְּצַעַר מִמֵאָה שֶֹׁלֹא בְּצַעַר It’s worth way more when it’s harder. THEY are the REAL thing; the other guys are Bedi'eved.
I want to warn them all: you keep trying to conquer the Yetzer Hara, and when one day you do conquer, STAY UP THERE and don’t look for trouble. But while you’re still having trouble, you have to look down at all those guys who Hashem doesn’t test, since they are not such holy Neshamos like we are. That’s why Dovid HaMelech came across as a person who sinned, and a person who had a big Yetzer Hara. THAT’S THE KING. He is the example for the public.
So congratulations. You are the mightiest, greatest people in Klal Yisroel. And I can sit for a year LOADED with Chazal’s and Pesukim that underline this message. The Torah is LOADED building up guys like you. The guy who has a Chatas has to shecht, we “cover-him-up”, and put him in the same place as an Olah. But if that’s the purpose, let him shecht in the place of the Shelamim, so people will think it’s a Shelamim? But Olah is the Me’uleh She’b’Korbanos, and we want people to think that he’s from the best guys, not just a regular Shelamim that everyone brings. You are one of the Olah-superior guys, you're Gor-Gevaldig! That’s the way we want him to come across.
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