A Battle of Wits
Maurice has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable easy chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a magazine and tries to read. However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted due to a ruckus coming from behind one of the doors leading off the reception area. Maurice goes over to the receptionist and asks, "What's going on in there?"
She replies, "It's a partners' meeting."
"But why are they shouting at each other?" Maurice asks.
"It's a high stakes battle of wits," she replies.
Maurice asks: "Between who?", and she answers, "Horowits, Lebowits, Rabbinowits and Abramowits."
A Clean Sweep
Moishe Goldberg, owner of Moishe’s Kosher Grocer, decided to do his friend Herb a favor and hire his grandson David, fresh out of college, to work in the grocery store. David reported for his first day of work and Moishe greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," David replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said Moishe. "Here, give me the broom – I'll show you
Last Rights
It's a dark and stormy night, and Goldstein, an old man, knows that his end is near.
"Call the priest," he says to his wife, "and tell him to come right away."
"The priest?" his wife exclaims. "Max, you're delirious. You must mean the rabbi!"
"No," says Goldstein. "I mean the priest. Why should I disturb the rabbi on a night like this?"
The Mama's Commandments
Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room.
Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room.
Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.
Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein.
Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.
