Included in the “Baal Korchoch” that our Rabbis of blessed memory mention, is the “Baal Korchoch Ata Chay!” [you are Forced to live – not always willingly.] meaning, that life is not always lined up with pleasure or at least calm with no pain. From time to time, one must repeat to himself strongly and diligently that “Baal Korchoch Ata Chay” and whatever the merciful one does, is for the good.
For those with a pessimistic tendency, Toiras Chassidus can help. Starting from the Baal-Shem-Tov who taught that serving Hashem should be B’simcha! Even while doing Teshuva for bad choices, it does not contradict part of yourself being happy who you are now,. as explained at length in Tanya.
In life we see that the effect of a life event is in accordance with how the person accepts and reacts to it. Do we need a better example than the Rambam, whose life on the outside appeared to have hardship, pain and tragedy rachamana litzlan, and yet, he had a positive outlook on life. As we can see from his Sefer “Moreh Nevuchim” that his take on life was very positive and optimistic. On the other hand, there are people who appear very successful, and you seldom see satisfaction on their faces.
Particularly, in your case, that it was not by your choice, Toiras Chassidus will teach you to find a happy [positive] side to it or at least a redeeming solution for the past. Therefore, you should tone down the negative reaction, bitterness and especially the sadness that overcame you. See Tanya Chapter 26.
We were assured by our Rabbis and in [Tanya,] Igeres Hakodesh, Siman 22: [That if you react positively to a negative situation] Then Hashem will give you open and revealed good, as opposed to the good that was hidden in negativity...
==== Excerpt of Igros Kodesh V4 P26 1.
UFARATZTA
We are all familiar with the myriad of men and women jokes, highlighting their unique differences and idiosyncrasies. While many of them make us laugh, we do so because they point to an underlying, though often exaggerated, truth. But at the core, we are well aware that Hashem has created man and woman with specific modes of thinking, feeling and acting, and an interplay between these two forces often elicits tears of joy or tears of hurt. Examining some basic realities then, some funny, some phony, provides the opportunity to dig deeper into appreciating who we are as man and woman, husband and wife and learn to practice patience instead of persistent pestering.
One day, I was asked what the difference between men and women are on a Kabbalistic level. Humorously, I replied the following. Men are waffles and women are spaghetti. Have you ever eaten a waffle? Every waffle is full of self-contained square compartments with four walls around it. When you pour maple syrup onto the waffle, you make sure it stays within the square. That typifies men.
Women, on the other hand, are spaghetti. There is no such thing as eating one string of spaghetti. Every stand of pasta is intertwined and interconnected with tons of other pieces.
For men, their brain is compartmentalized, with dozens of filing cabinets. There is a filing cabinet called the wife, the kids, the car, the house, the mother-in-law, the job. Everything has a separate place and space. When it comes time for paying the bills, men open the filing cabinet called Bills, carefully making sure not to touch any of the other filing cabinets, and take out a piece of paper. Oftentimes, nothing gets done with it, and it is quietly put back in and the drawer is closed, all the while ensuring that nothing else gets damaged.
In the middle of his brain, there is a huge filing cabinet, and it filled with empty space. It is where men can relax and feel free of all responsibility and obligation. Nothing goes on. They put up their feet and... and ... Exactly that ... When a wife therefore asks her husband, what are you doing and he says, “Nothing,” he genuinely means it and she can hardly believe it. “You must have a fever... what happened...” The wife begins to worry something is wrong. What drives a woman crazier than anything else is hearing the answer, “Nothing,” because in her mind, it doesn’t exist. A woman’s mind is like the World Wide Web. It is like Microsoft Windows where every possible window is open, and the tabs are switching back and forth and back and forth. Neurons are constantly interacting every single moment like spaghetti.
to be continued...
Womens Shiur Tuesday 9:30am (18 Main) Chassidus Shiur Monday & Thursday 7:45am (18 Main) Shabbos: Friday Night – before Barchu (20 Upstairs) Morning 8:40 (20 Upstairs) | After Davening 12:00pm (20 Upstairs) Please Note: Rabbi Jacobson's Shabbos morning shiur will now begin at 8:40 am, followed by the Minyan at 10:00 am.
