Mussar in the Bais Medrash and saying:
בִרְּ צוֹת ה' דַרְּ כֵּי אִיש גַם אִשְּתוֹ יַשְּלִם אִתוֹ ע"פ משלי טז ז
If I will behave, then my wife will also straighten out....
It’s not a simple Shayla if a person should be advertising his personal problems in public. R' Nosson Wachtfogel Zatzal once told me that a person needs to have a certain Tz’niyus and privacy about certain areas in his life, even though the modern world and its psychologists pride themselves with their openness, and their being so “frank” and “honest”. But in Novardok, I have noticed an above-norm of being “open” when it’s L'shem Shamayim, like the above-mentioned story.
During their Vaadim, people opened up to each other to some extent. This is the reason for their phenomenal Hatzlacha; issues were addressed, and your friends helped you tackle them Ai-Pi-Torah and Al-Pi-Mussar. Usually, they blamed themselves for their own Ga'ava or lack of Bitachon, which the right Mussar Seder would cure with Si'ata D'shmaya. They grew from Vaad to Vaad. I know of a Novardoker (Rabbi R.) whose wife used to yell at him, and he would answer with a soft voice: “I’ll try to make myself better”.
No Debates Allowed in Novardok!
If you believe in: ה' אָמַר לוֹ קַלֵּל It is really Hashem cursing me in the form of this human, so who are you arguing with? Hashem is talking to you via this person, and everything in your life is a message from Hashem. So we ignore the person, who doesn’t realize that he’s a Shaliach Min HaShamayim, and we try to improve ourselves, by working on Ka'as, Hachna'a, or being Dan L'kaf Zechus, etc. I once heard R' Avigdor Miller Zatzal saying publicly: “The worse your wife is, the better!”
