Parashas Beha’aloscha prominently features the travails of the Jewish People in the desert, and the way they followed the Ananei HaKavod, the Clouds of Glory, that hovered over the Mishkan. This was the way they knew when Hashem wanted them to pack up their encampment and move on.
The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh teaches us an incredible yesod that we learn from these pesukim: “The Torah teaches us the greatness of Klal Yisrael—they wanted what Hashem wanted (if we’re meant to stay in one place for a long time, we’re happy to do so, and if we must uproot ourselves after a short time, we’re just as satisfied—because this is what the Ribbono shel Olam wants), for the word יחנו implies that they wanted to set up camp.
Furthermore, says the Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh, the Torah tells us יסעו ולא ה' משמרת את ישראל בני ושמרו רבים ימים המשכן על הענן ובהאריך, and when the cloud tarried long upon the Mishkan many days, the Bnei Yisrael kept the charge of Hashem and journeyed not. The words ה' משמרת את ושמרו teach us that they didn’t journey forth not because it was more convenient to remain in that place, but only because they were heeding the wishes of Hashem that they not journey further.
This quality was even more obvious when the Yidden were uprooted after only a few days in the same place. Whether resting or traveling—the Bnei Yisrael did so only because they wanted what Hashem wanted.
Serving Hashem by Waiting
Let us delve into this incredible teaching from the Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh. The foundation that he’s building upon is the teaching of Chazal, רצונו מפני רצונך בטל, nullify and submit your will before His will (Avos 2:4). If the Ribbono shel Olam commanded me thus, then this is what I want. Not because I had previously wanted it in any case, but only because I want to get on board the program that the Ribbono shel Olam has designed.
But the Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh builds further upon this yesod—and this is connected to the phenomenon of waiting. When a person is expected by Hashem to wait for something, it entails a certain level of difficulty. In the course of a person’s life, the Ribbono shel Olam will periodically present a person with the challenge of waiting—for this test of character touches a part of the soul that no other challenge does.
With Every Measure
Since each person must perfect every facet of his character—as we know from the pasuk מאודך בכל ...אלוקך ה' את ואהבת, that we must love Hashem לך מודד שהוא ומדה מדה בכל, with every measure that He metes out for you—it is imperative that we be presented with the nisayon of waiting during the course of our lives, and that we learn to trust and love Hashem through this challenge.
Just as a person cannot celebrate the completion of Shas without completing every masechta in the Talmud, so too, we cannot skip over this important aspect of ahavas Hashem if we’re to perfect our love for Hashem. A person may complain, “I have already endured so many challenges and nisyonos...why am I being presented with the difficult challenge of waiting for what I need or want?” The answer is that this is another masechta, another important chapter that must be mastered.
The good news is that when we look back later, when the Ribbono shel Olam has already sent the yeshuah, we will see that the entire saga of being made to wait for something (children, shidduchim, etc.) wasn’t a tzarah at all! Although this nisayon can be greater than others, we must know that it’s not a catastrophe. Nevertheless, it is an avodah that must be mastered.
The Pain of Patience
When we analyze it, what is the actual difficulty in waiting? The challenge comes because we’re wired to always seek to act, and we feel pain when there’s nothing to do. A person feels the constant need to use all his abilities to improve his life. Yidden have an inner drive to do and act, and it is difficult for us to sit still—but we must channel this quality to the right place. We often see askanim who can’t remain in one place for a minute... they’re constantly being pushed by some force. It is a voice that emanates from deep inside their neshamah, shouting, “Onward! We must accomplish!”
But the Ribbono shel Olam gives tests us in this regard, and He expects us to wait with patience. Sometimes, a person waits for a shidduch for his child. He waits, and he doesn’t know what will happen. The cloud tarries above the Mishkan.... Another person must wait to have children, or for his child to have a cheshek for learning.
He’s been assured that he’ll yet see nachas from his child... but he’s still waiting.... He waits for that “one day.” He has davened. He has done hishtadlus. He has davened again, and he has performed segulos. And he’s still waiting. This period of waiting is very painful, because it is contrary to our nature. We all have an inner drive to advance to the next stage, and if we’re made to wait, we’re being asked to act in opposition to our nature.
Against Our Nature
We all know that prior to Matan Torah, the Ribbono shel Olam went around to all the nations of the world and offered them the Torah. When they asked what is contained in the Torah, they were told about a mitzvah that goes contrary to their nature. The Kotzker Rebbe explains that the Jewish People, too, were given a mitzvah contrary to their nature: בקצהו ונגע בהר עלות לכם השמרו לאמר סביב העם את והגבלת, and you shall set boundaries for the people roundabout, saying, beware of ascending the mountain or touching its edge. For it is the nature of a Yid that when he sees something spiritual, he wants to run toward it—to ascend the mountain—and not remain standing even for a moment! But the Ribbono shel Olam challenged them to see whether they could submit their ratzon to His. Indeed, Klal Yisrael demonstrated restraint, and they were awarded the Torah.
Pining with Patience
The challenge of waiting is similar to this nisayon of the boundaries. Waiting is a form of boundary preventing us from getting what we want at that moment (a boundary is in place, while waiting is in time). The nefesh of a Yid is calibrated to want to push forward to the goal, and a person waits without knowing when that moment will come. He may need to wait years or maybe decades.
And in our parashah, we learn this secret, says the Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh: Our avodah is to desire the wait because this is precisely the ratzon Hashem! Not because we agree, not because we’re happy about it—yet nevertheless we want it and we love it, because this is what Hashem wants! Everything in Klal Yisrael’s nature wanted to move forward, and yet, they loved and wanted to wait because this was Hashem’s command. They drew chiyus from the wait!
And so, let us explore how we can attain this madreigah of patiently waiting for Hashem, and how to navigate the avodah of the wait.
How to Perform the Avodah of Waiting
Distraction from the Pain of the Wait
Sometimes we will hear a person tell his friend, “Listen, you have three siblings ahead of you. You’re not going to become engaged before a year or two. It’s a shame. Do something with yourself.” To a boy we may suggest that he learn another masechta, and to a girl we might recommend that she go back to school and earn a degree. “It’s a shame to simply sit and wait... it’s not good for you. Utilize the time for something positive.”
The depth behind this is that when a person’s mind is idle, he becomes frustrated and depressed. When a person sits in a traffic jam, he tends to become frustrated and he’s prone to yelling at other drivers. If he’s stimulated and occupied by a good shiur, he’s generally much calmer. The same thing happens when people wait in a doctor’s office. One person has many phone calls to make, and so he’s calm. He may even allow others to go ahead of him in line, while the next person is irritated and constantly yelling at the receptionists. The first person is stimulated, and he’s utilizing his time to advance himself, while the second person is idle and frustrated.
But the truth is that even this person is only distracting himself from the pain of waiting. He’s not embracing the wait, and he’s not deriving chiyus from the actual wait. Sometimes we ask a person, “What’s doing? How are you?” And he answers with a deep sigh and much pain, “We’re waiting....” Waiting is painful, and people do many things to distract themselves from the pain of the wait—they’re not embracing the wait for its own sake.
Wanting the Wait
In truth, there’s great light in the wait itself. The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh reveals to us that it is a mistake to think that waiting is some accidental fact of life... the absence of action. Waiting has a tremendous purpose in and of itself! The sefarim hakedoshim teach us that the true reason the Yidden needed to remain in certain places for longer was to elevate the holy ניצוצות in those places—and so, there was a great purpose and accomplishment in the wait.
Thus, how do we attain a level of wanting the wait?! By recognizing that there’s a great purpose in it! We should never say that we’re waiting because there’s nothing else we can do... that’s life: sometimes we must wait. We can’t always get what we want right away. No! There’s a purpose in the wait itself that must take place before we can advance to the next stage.
The Joy of the Wait
A little boy asks his father, “When will my birthday be?” or “When will it be Purim?” And his father says, “In three weeks.” A few minutes later, he comes back to his father and asks, “Is it three weeks yet?” And this repeats itself a few times.
“Can we daven to Hashem that it should be three weeks already?” he asks, knowing that Hashem makes miracles. The father doesn’t have the words to explain the concept of time to his little boy, but he wishes to convey to him that we’re incapable of skipping even a single second, because every second has a purpose. Every moment has its unique תיקון and mission, until we can arrive at the goal.
Galus Brings Geulah
This is the essence of geulah. We say that galus brings geulah—because every moment in galus has its unique תיקון, and it is only after all these rectifications that we can arrive at the time and place of geulah. Indeed, there’s a concept of hastening salvation, and there’s also a concept of הדרך קפיצת, shortening the path. But as long as this didn’t happen, we must pursue the natural order and pace. Every day has its avodah.
And just as this applies to the universal salvation of Klal Yisrael and the world, so too does this apply to the individual salvation of every person. The salvation of every person is built out of the individual days of his life. There’s no such thing as waiting! We don’t wait for a second! There’s an avodah that can only happen right now—an avodah that leads directly to geulah.
The Reason for the Wait
People tend to look at this matter superficially. They’ll say, “You see?! The kallah just turned eighteen! It’s not for nothing that the boy waited until he was twenty-three! When he began listening to shidduchim, the girl was in eighth grade!” Now, this is true. But that’s not the reason he waited! He didn’t wait because his kallah was five years younger than him—but because he had to wait! If he became engaged to a girl the same age, that means they both had to wait to rectify certain things before the shidduch could happen!
The same applies to every area in which a person waits for salvation—whether for children or parnassah or to merit to understand Torah. If it hasn’t happen yet, that means that it couldn’t have happened yet! This person is sad. He davened 1,000 tefillos. What more can he do? But Chazal teach us, דוחקתו השעה השעה את הדוחק כל, one who presses time, time presses him. We cannot dictate when our salvation will come. If a Yid sees that the yeshuah hasn’t yet arrived, it means that he must invest in his avodah that is unique to this waiting period.
The Choice of Waiting
When a person sees that his salvation hasn’t yet arrived, he must understand that he’s not in a state of waiting. Waiting is a choice. The Ribbono shel Olam didn’t decide that you will wait, and He didn’t force you to wait. It is our choice and decision to await something anxiously.
Today, when we call a bank or other companies, the automated system will often come on and say: “The queue is longer than usual. You can wait on the line for the next operator, or leave your number and receive a call back when it’s your turn.” The choice is yours—but don’t be upset when you must wait a long time. You had the option of leaving your number. And while you can’t be guaranteed that you’ll be called back, you can always trust that the Ribbono shel Olam knows your number and He knows exactly where to find you.
While You Wait
And so, it is the choice of every person to say: I will choose not to wait idly, but to fulfill the very purpose of the wait, understanding that I’m accomplishing tremendous things spiritually. Indeed, practically, the person utilizes this time for good things—but he understands in his heart and mind that he’s not doing so just to pass the time and distract from the wait. Yes, the right thing to do is to immerse yourself in Torah and tefillah—but not for the purpose of distraction.
One shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that he’s in a calamity called waiting—for the truth is that he’s fulfilling a great avodah that leads to a the time and place of salvation.
Reaching the Right Level of the Soul
And just as it is with restrictions of time and place that prevent us from advancing to what we want, so too is it in the nefesh. Just as one must wait for the right time and the right place, so too must one wait to reach the right level of the nefesh—as we know that נפש ,שנה ,עולם go together. In fact, the nekudah of this entire avodah is to reach a certain place in our nefesh.
And just as it takes time to reach a certain place in time, and it takes time to reach a certain place in the world, so too does it take time to reach a certain level in the nefesh. Now, it can happen that a person is able to reach deeper into his nefesh through a shortcut, like הדרך קפיצת. But the normal way is to go steadily, journeying from level to level.
“We’re Not Waiting: We’re on the Way”
When someone calls you when you’re on the road, and he asks you where you are, you don’t say “I’m waiting.” Because you’re en route to your destination. When you will arrive is another story; there may be traffic and long distances to traverse. But you’re on the way... you’re heading to your destination. As we embrace the wait for the things that we desire, we must know that we’re constantly journeying to the destination. We’re never idling and waiting in place.
This is the great light that the Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh revealed to us within these pesukim. And we must pay attention to the way we become wiser and maturer through the wait, learning new things through it—and thus understand that this is a great gift that must be accepted as such. This will lead a person to utilize this waiting period with joy and goodwill, just as our forefathers did: יסעו ולא ה' משמרת את ושמרו, to maintain the charge of Hashem not to journey.
