In this week’s parsha we learn how Moshe Rabbeinu davened for his sister Miriam to be healed from her tzora’as. Therefore, this week I would like to take the opportunity to discuss several halachos related to davening for a choleh [sick person].
Sadly, every so often there are stories of baby boys who are born very ill, and the doctors say that it’s not possible to perform a bris milah on the child for several months. However, the child needs lots of medical treatment and the family want to daven for the welfare of the child. The question is: Should the child be given a name before the bris so that people can daven for him, or is it better not to a give a name and people should daven and rely on the fact that Hashem knows who they are intending to daven for?
Another common question is: What happens if someone is sick and needs lots of Heavenly mercy, however, he/she doesn’t want the public to know he/she is ill. Is it better to publicize the name so that people can daven for them, or is it better to keep it quiet and refrain from publicizing the sick person’s name?
Various Sources for the Mitzvah of Davening for One Who is Sick
One of the main sources for the idea behind davening for one who is sick is found in this week’s parsha (12:13) where we find that Moshe Rabbeinu davened: א-ל נא רפא נא לה – “Please G-d, heal her, please”, for his sister Miriam to be healed from tzora’as. When davening for a choleh one fulfils many mitzvos:
1) The Chofetz Chaim in Ahavas Chesed (Vol. 3, Perek 8) writes: It’s included in the mitzvah of bikkur cholim [visiting the sick], which is included in the mitzvah of gemilas chasodim [doing acts of kindness].
2) It’s included in the mitzvah of: ואהבת לרעך כמוך – “You shall love your friend like yourself”, which the Rambam (Sefer HaMitzvos, Aseh 206) defines as: וכל מה שארצה לעצמי ארצה לו כמוהו – “Anything I want for myself, I want for you just as much”. The Yesod Veshoresh Ha’Avodah (Shaar 1, Perek 7) writes the same thing. R’ Moshe in Igros Moshe (Yoreh Deah, Vol. 4, siman 51, end of ois 1) writes: “One should daven for mercy for his friend, even if the one davening is a simple person, and isn’t so careful with mitzvos, and even if he is on a lower level than this, however, he believes in the Ribbono Shel Olam, whether the sick person asked him verbally or by writing to daven for him, he should daven for him, as Hashem may listen to his tefillos and blessing. Hashem knows and remembers every thought and action of every single person, and this person may have some merit that causes Hashem to listen to him. Moreover, the very fact that he is in pain and is worried for the welfare of his friend fulfils a mitzvah of ואהבת לרעך כמוך, which in itself is a great merit and may be enough to help Hashem answer his tefillos.”
3) Some say it’s included in the mitzvah of: לא תעמוד על דם רעך – “Don’t stand by and watch the blood of your friend be spilt” (Shu”t Mishneh Halachos Vol. 13, end of 211).
The Sefer Chasidim (753) writes: Because Klal Yisroel are, ערבים זה לזה – responsible and guarantors for each other, when pain and suffering comes upon a Yid, everyone else must feel the pain and daven for the unfortunate person as it says in Tehillim (35:13): ואני בחלותם לבושי שק – “Yet, when they were ill, my dress was sackcloth” ... If one doesn’t he is a sinner as it says (Shmuel 1, 12:23): גם אנכי חלילה לי מחטוא לה' מחדול להתפלל בעדכם – “As for me, far be it from me to sin against Hashem by refraining from praying for you”. The source for the Sefer Chasidim is the Gemara in Berachos (12b): אמר רבה בר חיננא סבא משמיה דרב כל שאפשר לו לבקש רחמים על חבירו ואינו מבקש נקרא חוטא - “Rabba bar Chinnana Saba said in the name of Rav: Anyone who can ask for mercy on behalf of another, and does not ask is called a sinner”.
Mentioning the Name of the Choleh When Davening for Him
The Gemara in Berachos (34a) teaches: אמר רבי יעקב אמר רב חסדא :כל המבקש רחמים על חבירו אין צריך להזכיר שמו ,שנאמר :״אל נא רפא נא לה״ ,ולא קמדכר שמה דמרים – Rabbi Ya’akov said that Rav Chisda said: Anyone who requests mercy on behalf of another need not mention his name, as it is stated: “Please, G-d, heal her, please” and he did not mention Miriam’s name.
The Meiri explains: When an individual davens for his friend, he doesn’t need to mention the name and he can rely on the fact that in his heart he knows who he is davening for.
However, the Magen Avraham (119:1) writes in the name of the Maharil that only if one is davening in the presence of the sick person does he not need to mention the name, however, if one is not in the presence of the sick person, then one should mention the name.
Based on the above the Panim Yafos offers a beautiful peshat in a pasuk in Parshas Toldos (25:21). The pasuk says: ויעתר יצחק לה' לנוכח אשתו – “Yitzchok davened to Hashem, opposite his wife”. The Panim Yafos explains: Yitzchok Avinu made sure to daven in the presence of his wife Rivkah, as he thought that perhaps her name needed to be changed like Hashem changed Sorah’s name (see Rashi, Parshas Lech Lecha, 15:5 – “Sorai won’t have a child, but Sorah will”), therefore, he didn’t want to refer to her as Rivkah, therefore, he davened in her presence so that he wouldn’t have to mention her name. However, after this episode when his tefillah was answered, the pasuk says: ותהר רבקה אשתו – “His wife Rivkah conceived”, once the tefillah was accepted, we mention her name again.
When Davening in the Presence of a Sick Person, Is One Allowed to Mention the Sick Person’s Name?
The Gemara we mentioned above says: כל המבקש רחמים על חבירו אין צריך להזכיר שמו – “Anyone who requests mercy on behalf of another need not mention his name”. From the lashon [expression] of “need not”, the Pri Chodosh (119:1) is medayak [makes an implication] that if one wants to, he may mention the name, it’s just there is no need to. On the other hand, Rashi in Sefer HaPardes (siman 287) writes that one should specifically not mention the name. The Iyun Yaakov (end of Perek 5, Berachos) also writes not to, and he explains: Perhaps the name of the sick person is what is causing him to be ill, therefore, it is best not to mention it. For this reason, the Rema (Yoreh Deah end of 335) writes that we change the name of the sick person, in order that the Heavenly decree be ripped it. The Chasam Sofer adds an additional reason, for why it’s better not to mention the name of the sick person when davening for him, we will iy’H mention this shortly.
The Advantage of Davening by the Sick Person’s Bed
There is a mitzvah to daven for one who is sick, and although one can daven for the sick person anywhere, the Tur adds if one goes to visit: מתוך כך יבקש עליו רחמים – “through this he will come to ask for mercy”. It would seem that the Tur is saying, that going to visit is better as if one actually sees the sick person, the tefillah will be on an improved level and more sincere than if one doesn’t actually see the sick person.
However, we can add that the tefillah itself is advantageous when recited in the presence of the sick person. The Mishnah Berurah (119:2) brings from the Magen Avraham in the name of the Maharil, that when davening not in the presence of the sick person one needs to mention the sick person’s name. The Chasam Sofer (Nedorim 40a) brings from Mekubolim that mentioning the name is me’orah [arouses] din on the sick person, and although it is more likely that the tefillah is beneficial then harmful, sometimes there is a disadvantage to mention the name. If one is in the presence of the sick person the name doesn’t need to be mentioned and there is less din arouse, therefore, the tefillah itself is more beneficial.
Giving a Child a Name Before His Bris
The Shu”t Betzel HaChochmah (6:10) discusses if one can name a sick child before his bris.
He quotes a Da’as Zekeinim MiBa’alei HaTosfos (Bereishis 5:28) which explains the pasuk which says: ויחי למך ... ויולד בן ויקרא את שמו נח – “Lemech lived .... and he gave birth to a son, and he called him Noach”, and it doesn’t say: ויחי למך ... ויולד את נח - “Lemech lived ... and he gave birth to Noach” as follows: Mesushelech HaTzadik gave advice not to give a name to the child to quickly, as people in that generation practiced sorcery, and if the child would have a name they would be able to carry out witchcraft on the child. Therefore, he told the father to delay giving a name, in order that witchcraft wouldn’t be practiced on the child, and that he would have a better chance of surviving.
The Betzel HaChochmah cites various other sources, and he explains that it’s well known that a child needs a special shemirah [protection] from mazikim [demons that cause damage] before he has a bris. From his bris onwards the child is safe as the mitzvah of milah protects the child, but before that he needs a special shemirah. Therefore, perhaps it’s best not to give a name before the bris, as a name causes that mazikim can chas vesholam cause harm, and since the child doesn’t have the mitzvah of bris milah he won’t be protected. After the bris however, when he has the mitzvah of milah protecting him, then he can be given a name.
On the other hand, they bring that it’s clear from the Sefer Chasidim (1140) that a name should be given immediately after birth, and we don’t wait for the bris. The Shu”t R’ Yosef Nechemia Kornitzer (relative of the Chasam Sofer, Rav in Krakow, 101:5) writes clearly that one may give the child a name before the bris, if the bris is being delayed, as he is a kosher Jew, and the name should be given by krias haTorah (like what we do for girls).
The Gedolim of our times have argued about this (see the sefer Shemoh Gorim pg. 216): On the one hand, the mashgiach R’ Yechezkel Levenstein zt”l said that if a child is sick and hasn’t had a bris, it’s good to give it a name, so that people can daven for him. The Satmar Rebbe zt”l also said, that it’s best to give the child a name, as once he has a name the father can ask for a berachah for the child. R’ Moshe Feinstein zt”l also said that a name should be given before the bris. Rav Shach zt”l said, if the child is seriously ill then it should be given a name before the bris.
On the other hand, the Steipler is quoted as saying that a name shouldn’t be given. However, they bring from the Steipler (Orchos Rabbeinu, Vol. 1, pg. 336, ois 15) that one can daven for the recovery of “the child the son of so and so”.
R’ Yom Tov Sanger writes: Practically, it seems to me that the minhag is, if the bris isn’t being pushed off for a long time, then we wait for the bris. If, however, the child is ill and there is no indication of when the bris will be, then a name is given by krias haTorah before the bris, so that people can daven for the recovery of the child.
R’ Moshe Sternbuch (Shu”t Teshuvos V’Hanagos 1:604) writes: “It’s not in my hands to fix the halachah, however, it’s clear to me that if the child has been alive for thirty days, he is no longer considered a nefel (a child that is unlikely to survive), and he shouldn’t be left without a name. Even if he hasn’t yet had a bris, he shouldn’t be left without a name.”
זה ספר תולדות אדם מכאן רמז כשמשימין הנער בערס וקורין לו שם משימים ספר של תורת כהנים מראשותיו וכשמגיע ללמוד שהוא בן חמש מתחילין לו בספר ויקרא אדם כי יקריב מכם בכם חלקתי ולא באומות. קרבן שבהבל פיהם של תינוקות של בית רבן העולם מתקיים כמו בזכות הקרבנות. אל תגעו במשיחי בשיחת התינוקות.
Should a New Name Be Added by the Bris
The sefer Eis Yoledes (pg. 257, footnote 104) quotes R’ Shmuel Wosner (MiBeis HaLevi, Yoreh Deah 128) that if a name is given before the bris, a new name should be added by the bris. However, the Shu”t Oz Nidberu (13:73) rules that there is no need to add a new name.
Publicizing the Name of a Sick Person So That People Can Daven for a Refuah Sheleimah
Is it fitting to publicize the name of a sick person so that people can daven for them, or is it best to keep such things private. If we say it’s good to publicize the name so that people can daven, what if the sick person, or his family members object and want to keep it private?
The Gemara in Berachos (55b) teaches: האי מאן דחליש, יומא קמא לא לגלי כי היכי דלא לתרע מזליה – “One who is sick should not reveal it on the first day of his illness, so that his luck should not suffer”. In Nedorim (40a) Rashi explains: “So that people don’t talk about it”. It’s easy for an illness to go away if it’s not yet made public knowledge. The Maharsha in Berachos explains: On the first day one shouldn’t reveal the illness, שלא יפתח הפה לשטן – one shouldn’t open his mouth and give the Sotan ideas. On the first day the illness has not taken such a stronghold, therefore, it shouldn’t be revealed to others, so that the Sotan doesn’t get hold of the information and make the illness worse. However, once the illness has been around for a few days and is having a bad effect, on the contrary, it should be made public knowledge in order that the public can ask for mercy from the Ribbono Shel Olam.
This is clear from the Gemara in Berachos which continues: מכאן ואילך לגלי ,כי הא דרבא ,כי הוה חליש ,יומא קמא לא מגלי מכאן ואילך אמר ליה לשמעיה :פוק אכריז :״רבא חלש״ . מאן דרחים לי — לבעי עלי רחמי ,ומאן דסני לי — לחדי לי – “From then on he may reveal it, like that which Rava does when he falls ill; on the first day he does not reveal it, from then on he says to his servant: Go out an announce: Rava is sick. Those who love me will pray that G-d have mercy on me and those who hate me will rejoice over my distress” (Rashi explains that this will also assist in the healing).
However, the family of the sick person can object to the name being publicized, even if this will cause that less people will daven for the sick person. R’ Chaim Kanievsky zt”l (Derech Sicha, pg. 544) explains: It’s clear from Bava Kama (86b) that boishes [money paid for embarrassment] goes to family members as well, therefore, if the family don’t want the name publicized, it’s forbidden to publicize it. However, he adds (Vol. 2, pg. 258): Even though one isn’t allowed to cause the family harm and publicize the name, some individuals still need to daven for the sick person, and a number of people should at least be told about the illness, and those individuals should daven.
Davening for a Sick Person Who Is Far Away
The Likutei Maharil (Minhagim, Hilchos Samachos, pg. 599) writes: One shouldn’t recite a special tefillah for a sick person who is far away - even if the sick person is dangerously ill, as we are worried that he/she died, or hopefully got better, and the tefillah will be a tefillas shov [prayer in vain]. However, the Sha’arei Teshuvah (288:13) quotes the Shu”t Nachlas Shivah (2:39 and 77 – 80) who argues and would himself daven for sick people on Shabbos in his shul, even though the sick person was in a distant city. He cites proof from the Gemara in Gittin (28a) which says, a messenger can give over a get even if when he left the husband was old or sick, as there is a, חזקה שהבעל עדיין חי – assumption that the husband is still alive. He further adds: The Gemara in Berachos (54a) teaches: “If one’s wife is pregnant and the husband says, ‘May it be Hashem’s will that my wife give birth to a son’, the tefillah is in vain.” However, in this case the tefillah is definitely in vain, as the gender of the child has already been determined, however, by a sick person there is a doubt if he still needs the tefillos, and by sofek nefoshos [doubts to do with life and death] we are lenient, and since the sick person may still be in need of the tefillos, and they may be very helpful one may daven for the sick person.
See further the Shu”t Yehudah Yaleh (1:183) who asks on the Maharil, that surely due to the principle of ספק נפשות להקל, in a life and death situation where there is a doubt we are lenient, we should be lenient and allow davening for the sick person.
The Shu”t Maharam Shick (Orach Chaim 26) discusses the Rema (Yoreh Deah 402:12) which talks about notifying children about the death of their father so that they can say kaddish and he discusses if this is a problem of מוציא דבה הוא כסיל, being the carrier of bad news. In the middle of the Teshuvah he writes: People don’t need to be notified that the sick person died, and even if they may continue to daven and recite tefillos in vain, if they don’t know the sick person has died there is no problem. However, he writes: If one is unsure, he should say, “If so and so is still ill, Hashem should send a complete healing”, and with this one saves running into any issues.
The Aruch HaShulchan (Yoreh Deah, end of 335) writes that the minhag is like the Nachlas Shivah, that one can daven for a sick person in a different city, even if he is unsure if the sick person is still in need of tefillos, and there is no concern.
