This person arrived after having already made havdolah. The host would tell him not to answer “amen” except for the berachah on the wine, to avoid making a hefsek. The Har Tzvi was asked if this was ok. The Har Tzvi responded: Even without a amen, just hearing berachos which are not related to the drinking create a hefsek. Therefore, it would seem that in our case, if the kotan is unable to make his own havdolah, it would be better for the gadol to make for him and to drink the wine.
Eating Before Havdolah
If the kotan makes havdolah on Sunday, is he allowed to eat before doing so?
The Mishnah Berurah (269:1) quotes a Magen Avraham which says: One is allowed to feed young children on Shabbos morning before making kiddush and it is forbidden to make them suffer and wait.
The Magen Avraham and Machatzis HaShekel explain, there is no issur on the food. Rather, Chazal enacted that one shouldn’t eat before kiddush, and before havdolah. However, since a kotan needs to eat, on something which is for the benefit of the kotan no gezeirah [decree] was enacted. For this reason, the Mishnah Berurah (106:5) writes: It is permitted to give a child food to eat before davening Shacharis on a regular day.
Therefore, although a gadol can’t eat before making havdolah, a kotan may.
Brief Summary
1) In the summer when motzei Shabbos is very late, and children need to go to sleep early, even if they have already reached the age of chinuch and are obligated in havdolah, nonetheless, they shouldn’t make havdolah from plag hamincha and on. Doing so is wondersome to the public and may cause them to be lenient with the forbidden melachos of Shabbos. And we don’t want a kotan getting accustomed to such things.
2) There is no obligation to wake them up, as there is no chiyuv chinuch if carrying out the mitzvah causes the child discomfort. If, however, the child is already twelve, then he should be woken up.
3) There is a machlokes haposkim if the main zeman of havdolah is just motzei Shabbos, all of Sunday, or even up until Tuesday. From the Mishnah Berurah it seems, although ideally one should make havdolah on Sunday because of zerizin makdimin lemitzvos, until Tuesday is still considered the ideal zeman of havdolah. Therefore, he rules, even if one missed havdolah purposefully on motzei Shabbos, he can still make it up until Tuesday. Accordingly, a kotan who didn’t hear havdolah on motzei Shabbos, needs to make his own havdolah on Sunday morning. Even according to the poskim who hold that until Tuesday is tashlumin and not the main time for havdolah, R’ Elyashiv and the L’Horos Nossan both pasken that a kotan is obligated in tashlumin.
4) Ideally the kotan should make his own havdolah (hagofen and hamavdil - on Sunday we don’t make a berachah on besomim or fire) and he can be moitzi other children who also haven’t heard havdolah. Bedieved, if he is embarrassed or can’t drink the wine or grape juice, then his father or some other gadol may make havdolah for him.
5) There is no issur for him to eat before havdolah. Therefore, if he can’t make his own havdolah, and he wants to go to school / cheder before his father comes home from shul, he may eat, and his father can make havdolah for him in the afternoon. However, the child must make sure to say “boruch hamavdil bein kodesh lechoil” before doing any melachah.
6) The Shulchan Aruch (296:8) two opinions in regard to whether women are obligated in the mitzvah of havdolah. We are stringent and take on that they should recite havdolah. Consequently, young girls who are of the age of chinuch also need to hear havdolah or make their own if they never heard on motzei Shabbos. However, in this case, their father (or other gadol) can’t make for them, like we find by adults that one man can’t make for another woman, if he has already made havdolah (as perhaps women have no chiyuv). Therefore, by young girls they must make their own havdolah.
Postscript
Most of what we wrote above is based on a Teshuvah from R’ Yom Tov Sanger, in his Madanay Yom Tov. He seems to hold very clearly that there is a chiyuv. However, I heard b’shem [in the name of] R’ Scheinberg zt”l that there is no chiyuv whatsoever, and a child shouldn’t even try to be machmir (I am told that this is the pesak that was given to me when I was a child as well).
On the other hand, R’ Pesach Eliyohu Falk zt”l in Shu”t Machzeh Eliyohu (end of Vol. 3) also has a Teshuvah about this and concludes there is no chiyuv for a kotan to make havdolah, however, if he wants to be stringent and make havdolah he can.
Although I am not of a position to decide between these poskim, there is a Ravyah in Berachos (62) which brings a chiddush from the Yerushalmi and says that we learn from a pasuk that ketanim are obligated in havdolah. He writes: “Since women, slaves and young children are obligated in guarding Shabbos, they are obligated in kiddush and havdolah. From where do we know this? ‘Six days you shall work and do all your activities, and the seventh day should be Shabbos to Hashem your G-d. You shall do no work, neither you, your children, your daughters, your slaves or maidservants’. Since they are obligated in guarding Shabbos, they must make havdolah...” It seems from the Ravyah that there is a chiyuv learnt from a pasuk (seemingly de’O’raisa) that a kotan is obligated in havdolah. Therefore, certainly I would advise a young child to be machmir and to make havdolah on Sunday. However, before doing so please confirm with your local Rabbi.
