QUESTION: We always hear the view of Beis Hillel [in the Mishna in Kesuvos] that one can praise a bride to her groom - even if it is false. What about the other way around? Does Beis Hillel also hold that we can falsely praise a groom to his bride? Or perhaps in that case, does he agree to the view of Bais Shammai that one may only say absolutely true things? Also, in further examination of Bais Hillel’s opinion, who may we praise the bride to? Is it only to her groom or is it to others as well?
ANSWER: These are excellent questions. We will start with the latter one. Rav Elyashiv ZT”L limited the false praise of a bride to her groom and only to others who are likely to repeat the praise to the groom. One may not praise the bride to anyone else, because it is Sheker (falsehood) and would serve no purpose. (See Ashrei HaIsh Vol. I p. 197) As for your initial question, the Ben Yehoyada states that generally, women have certain natural anxieties which encourage them to get married. These are anxieties that men, generally, do not have. Therefore, he believes that one may not praise falsely, a groom to his bride, as that is not needed as she generally wants to get married due to her anxieties. Men who do not have these anxieties need a little more encouragement so to speak to get married, and that is why one may falsely praise a bride to her groom. However, see the Sefas Emes (Parshas Tetzaveh 5662), that states that it is permitted to falsely praise a groom to his bride as well.
