How important is it to empathize with another’s pain?
The pasuk tells us (12:15) that Miriam was confined outside the camp for seven days and klal Yisroel was forced to wait until Miriam was healed to continue their journey. The pasuk implies that even though it was time for them to journey, it was delayed for the sake of Miriam. Says Rashi, this reward was given to her because of the kindness she did for Moshe. As the pasuk tells us in Shemos 2:4, when Moshe Rabeinu was a little baby, his mother Yocheved put him in a basket by the reeds of the Nile and Miriam waited at a distance, watching what would happen to him. Years later, Miriam was rewarded mida k’neged mida by having the entire klal Yisroel wait for her.
This act that Miriam did was completely natural. This was her beloved baby brother that was born during a tragic time, when all newborn baby boys were thrown into the Nile. Isn’t it only natural for an older sister to stand nearby, hoping that he would be saved? What was so special about that act? Even if she would have had to pay an exorbitant amount of money in order to be allowed to stand there, of course she would have paid it!
We see how chashuv it is to be nose b’ol with someone and feel another’s pain. For a small amount of time that she waited (Tosfos Sota 11 tells us that she waited a third or only a quarter of an hour), Miriam was rewarded that the entire nation waited seven days for her. If this is the reward given to one who is nose b’ol with a brother, how much more so will one be rewarded when being nose b’ol with a friend!
When we see another person dealing with some troubles, there are three possible ways for us to react. Let’s imagine the common scenario when someone receives the unfortunate news that an acquaintance of theirs is ill.
Some people react with sympathy: The news bothers them and they feel bad, perhaps they even acknowledge the situation with a get-well card.
However, someone with more sensitivity responds with empathy: He actually feels his friend’s pain, and might even experience some physical reaction, such as coming down with a headache. A truly sensitive person could take the news even harder, losing his appetite and being unable to sleep.
On the other hand, there are those who react to such reports with antipathy: “It’s not my problem, it doesn’t affect me, what do I care?”
I recently had a perfect example of these three responses on a red-eye flight early one morning. Everyone was trying to grab as much sleep as possible, when suddenly a baby woke up somewhere in the back of the plane and began to cry. A woman close to me exclaimed sympathetically, “Oh, the poor mother!” At the same time, a fellow a few rows over called for the flight attendant and demanded that he take care of the problem. “That kid is making a racket, and I’m entitled to get some sleep.” However, one empathetic individual saved the day. Reaching into the overhead compartment, he located his bag and pulled out a lollypop, which he offered to the grateful mother. The child instantly calmed down, and everyone relaxed. When we truly feel another’s plight, we are moved to action, and to offer some tangible assistance.
