The wording of poskim clearly implies that there is no full prohibition on receiving gifts, but that refraining from receiving gifts is a matter of midas chasidus, a pious manner of behavior. The Rambam (Zechiah U-Matanah 12:17) thus writes that this is the way of the “absolutely righteous” (see also Talmud Torah 3:11), and the Tur and Shulchan Aruch (249:5) mention that this is midas chasidus.
Because the matter is not a full prohibition, but rather a matter of pious conduct, it follows that there are circumstances in which one can (and even should) receive gifts.
An example of this is found in the writings of the Chida (Chaim Shaal Vol. 1, no. 74, sec. 42), who was asked concerning somebody who needed to sell a Sefer Torah in order to get married but was able to avoid the sale by receiving a gift from a generous donor. The Chida writes that the questioner should certainly receive the gift, for “in our generation hatred of gifts is a mere stringency, and the great majority of people are happy to receive gifts.”
The Chida mentions “this generation,” but it appears that the same principle applied and applies throughout the generations, as the Shevet Halevi (Vol. 6, no. 229) writes, ruling that one need not be concerned for gifts that children receive from parents, because people are not particular about this, and adding that there is certainly no room for concern where (even) a slight mitzvah is involved (such as bringing people closer with one another).
Rav Moshe Sternbuch (Teshuvos Vehanhagos Vol. 3, no. 404) addresses the question of wedding gifts, explaining (according to one possibility) that their main purpose is to permit guests to enjoy the wedding meal—for Chazal criticize somebody who derives benefit from a wedding feast without bringing joy to the newlyweds.
He also mentions an anecdote according to which Rav Yitzchak Ze’ev Soloveichik (the Rav of Brisk) refused (on behalf of his children) to receive a wedding gift that was send after the completion of the Sheva Berachos, arguing that this is no longer a special wedding gift, but an ordinary gift, which one should refrain from accepting.
It is certainly permitted to receive gifts where the acceptance of the gift does a favor with the giver, such as for an important person, whose acceptance brings honor to the giver. This principle emerges from the actions of Rabbi Zeira (Chulin 44b), who did not accept gifts but did accept the invitation of the ruling family, explaining that it is them who take honor from his attendance.
