The main reason the ritual of sotah is done is to alleviate a husband’s suspicions, to give him a sense of peace knowing his wife has remained faithful to him. As we mentioned, the kohen would write an oath and the name of Hashem on parchment, and he would submerge it in water, so the ink could flow freely and dissolve into the water.
Hashem is willing to go so far as to erase His holy name for the sake of shalom bayit. We learn from this how important it is to have peace in the household, but to what degree? How far can one go to preserve the peace?
There was once a man who called Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein with a question. He explained that his wife tends to do things with care, though very slowly, and when he returns from kollel, he has to wait a long time for lunch. At times, the hunger is quite intense, and on this particular day, he was so hungry that he went to a meat restaurant, simply unable to wait to eat.
“Today, of all days, when I got home, my wife said to me, ‘Dear husband, I made a surprise for you,’ and on the table was a plate of cheese blintzes, which I love.” The man added he was not supposed to eat in a restaurant, knowing his wife was preparing him lunch, and on top of that, not eating the blintzes would lead to his wife being even more upset. He called Rav Zilberstein asking for a heter—halachic allowance to eat the dairy blintzes citing shalom bayit.
...Transgressing Other Prohibitions is Unacceptable
The Rav responded, “For shalom bayit you could tell her that you ate meat at a Pidyon Haben, even though there was no Pidyon. However, permitting dairy after meat is out of the question. A small white lie for shalom bayit is okay, but transgressing other prohibitions is unacceptable.”
Hashem may be willing to erase His name on behalf of shalom bayit, but we must be cautious not to take advantage and use “keeping the peace” as an excuse for serious transgressions.
Reprinted from the Parashat Nasso 5784 email of Jack Rahmey based on the Torah teachings of Rabbi Amram Sananes.
