In Parshas Beha’alosecha we have the pasuk which says:ויהי העם כמתאננים רע באזני ה' וישמע ה' ויחר אפו ותבער בם אש ה' ותאכל בקצה המחנה - “And the people were k’mis’onenim (as murmurers), speaking evil in the ears of Hashem; and when Hashem heard it, His anger was kindled; and the fire of Hashem burnt among them and devoured in the uttermost part of the camp.” (Bamidbar 11:1). The Ribbono Shel Olam became very angry. Moshe Rabbeinu had to pray to Him, and the fire was extinguished. What exactly is the meaning of the word “mis’onenim”? The Ramban quotes the Ibn Ezra that it comes from the word aven (sin), meaning that the people said, “sinful things.” The Ramban disagrees with the Ibn Ezra because the Torah did not mention any “sinful things” that the people spoke, and the Torah is usually not shy about mentioning what aveirah is being punished when there is a Divine punishment.
The Ramban suggests that when the people distanced themselves from Har Sinai and moved deeper into the vast and awesome desert, they panicked and did not know what to do. “How are we going to survive in this desert? What are we going to eat and drink? How will we manage through all the depravation and suffering that exists in this barren stretch of land? How are we ever going to get out of this place?” According to the Ramban, the etymology of the word “mis’onenim” is the same as the expression “Mah yis’onen adam chai” (Of what shall a living man complain) (Eicha 3:39), which connotes pain and complaint about a person’s situation. A mis’onen is a person who is feeling sorry for himself. “Woe is me that I have such tzores.”
The Ramban explains that the Torah is thus teaching us what they did wrong: They acted like the worst thing had just happened to them. The Torah uses a simile here “like mis’onenim.” They were not people in desperate straits, but they acted LIKE such people! This upset the Ribbono Shel Olam, who felt that they should be following Him in joy and rejoicing by virtue of all the positive things they had experienced: Yetzias Mitzrayim, Kriyas Yam Yuf, Kabbalas HaTorah, as well as being provided with the mann and the be’er! How dare they complain after all that?
Hashem said that someone who has it so good and nonetheless complains as if he has it so bad is guilty of a terrible aveirah. That aveirah is the inability to be ‘makir tova‘(recognize favors), failing to appreciate the positive. The Ribbono Shel Olam cannot tolerate ingratitude and therefore punishment immediately followed.
The Brisker Rav, zt”l, once said that if a person has a bad character trait (such as being haughty, or having a bad temper), we judge him as an imperfect human being (not an ‘adam shalem‘), a person who has a fault – perhaps even a bad fault. However, if a person is not makir tova, the Brisker Rav said that he is not merely not an ‘adam shalem,’ but rather, he is not an adam at all. He lacks the most basic component of humanity! We all have our challenges with certain ideal character traits. We need to work on them. But someone who is an ingrate is not a mensch at all!
The truth of the matter is that the Ramban alludes to this in Parshas Ha’azinu. The pasuk there says, “Is it to Hashem that you do this, O’ vile and unwise people?” (Devorim 32:6) The Ramban writes that Moshe Rabbeinu is chastising the people: “This is how you treat the Ribbono Shel Olam after all that he did for you?” What does Moshe Rabbeinu call them? Am naval. The Ramban notes that when an animal dies, it is called a neveilah, indicating it is no longer an animal, but rather it is a dead carcass. So too, a person who is not makir tova is a naval, because he ceases to be a human being. He is no longer a mensch.
That is the meaning of “Vayehi ha’am k’mis’onenim”.
The following very instructive Medrash is not located in Parshas Beha’aloscha, but it’s certainly appropriate to share it now. The Medrash is in Sefer Shemos (Parsha 4): When Hashem told Moshe that it was time to take the Jews out of Mitzrayim, Moshe responded, “Master of the Universe, I am not able to take on this job. I need to ask permission from my father-in-law, Yisro. If he will not give me permission, I guess You will need to get another man.”
The baalei mussar make two very interesting comments on this Medrash: It is our assumption that it is only necessary to show hakaras hatov to someone who is doing something positive for you out of the goodness of his heart. But if a person is doing something because it is his job or it is for his or her own personal reasons, then he or she does not deserve my hakaras hatov. They are just doing what they need to do or what they really want to do anyhow! The baalei mussar infer just the opposite from this Medrash:
Consider: Who owed whom? Moshe did not owe Yisro. Yisro owed Moshe. First of all, Moshe saved Yisro’s daughters (Shemos 2:17). But moreover, Yisro could not get a shidduch for his daughters for all the money in the world because he was a pariah. He was ostracized by his community. He had been an idolatrous priest and suddenly, he adopted Judaism! Who wants to marry into his family? Moshe Rabbeinu did Yisro a great favor by marrying his daughter. Nonetheless, Moshe Rabbeinu did not say, “He owes me. I do not owe him.” The lesson is that it does not make a difference. If someone has benefited from someone else, he must show gratitude no matter why the other fellow did what he did.
The following incredible story brings out this point beautifully:
A Jewish fellow in New York was going to work by subway. He was standing by the side of the tracks and suddenly, he fell onto the tracks and could not get up. Everyone was paralyzed after having witnessed what just happened. An African-American man standing on the platform with everyone else jumped onto the tracks, pulled the fellow up, and saved him, shortly before the next train came riding right over the tracks where this fellow had fallen. The news crews of the New York papers tracked down this fellow and told him, “You are a hero!” He responded “I am not a hero. I did not do this to be a hero. I have a job. I am a dishwasher in a restaurant earning ten dollars an hour. I knew what would happen if this fellow had been run-over. The train would have been delayed for two hours. I would lose twenty dollars off my salary. I did not jump down onto to the tracks to save him. I jumped down there to pull him off the tracks so that the train would not be delayed and I could get to my job on time.”
This is not the end of the story. This Jew who had fallen onto the tracks made a neder [vow] while lying on the tracks: “If someone will save me, I will give him $100,000.” He now read the newspaper account where he learned that his savior did not do what he did to save him, but in order to not lose the $20 from his job! He sent the shailah to Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein: Does he need to give the $100,000 or not?
Rav Zilberstein paskened that he needed to give 1/3 of that amount. (I am not certain about the logic Rav Zilberstein used to come up with this specific figure.) Rav Zilberstein, however, then took the shailah to his brother-in-law, Rav Chaim Kanievsky to see if he agreed with his pesak. Rav Chaim told him: The fellow needs to give the entire $100,000! Rav Chaim ruled that it does not matter why the fellow did what he did. He could have done it to become a hero or he could have done it to save $20. The reason he did it is not relevant. He saved this Jew’s life. The Jew said that if someone saves his life, he will give him $100,000. The Jew must keep his neder.
Hakaras hatov does not depend on why the person does it. Hakaras hatov is an obligation regardless of the motive. A person must be a mensch. As the Brisker Rav said, a person who does not appreciate, iz nit kin mensch (is not a person).
(R’ Frand)
