An English professor was explaining to his students that a double negative in a sentence equals a positive statement. The words “I ain’t got no money” were written on the board, and he demonstrated his point by drawing a line through “ain’t” and “no.” A student raised his hand and asked, “Is it possible that two positives could equal a negative?”
“No,” replied the professor, “It’s not possible.”
The student scoffed and said, “Yeah, RIGHT!”
The negativity bias is our tendency not only to register negative stimuli more readily but also to dwell on these events. In almost any interaction, we are more likely to notice negative things and later remember them more vividly. As humans, we tend to remember traumatic experiences better than positive ones, recall insults better than praise, and respond more strongly to negative events than to equally positive ones. For example, you might be having a great day at work when a coworker makes an offhand comment that you find irritating. You then find yourself stewing over his words for the rest of the workday. As natural as it is, our Parsha warns us of the serious consequences of living in negativity.
Parshas Behaloscha, tells us that Miriam got Tzora’as. The background of this incident goes as follows. Eldad and Meidad prophesied in the camp that Moshe would die and Yehoshua will bring them into Eretz Yisrael. When hearing this, Moshe’s wife Tzipporah told Miriam, “Woe unto those men’s wives since they are needed as prophets and they will separate from their wives just as my husband has separated from me.” Miriam then related this to Aharon and on the simplest level, she was trying to stand up for the honor of her sister-in-law. Surely, Miriam was not trying to shame Moshe. Let us ask: what did Miriam do wrong?
Miriam spoke about Moshe Rabbeinu who always had to be pure in case Hashem would speak to him. This is why he could not be with his wife. After the Lashon Harah, Hashem appeared in a pillar of cloud and told Aharon and Miriam: “Why were you not afraid to speak against My servant Moshe?” When the subject is the greatest man of all, one cannot just speak about him but must know there is always a good reason for his actions.
Upon reflection, Miriam could have spoken about this with Moshe directly and addressed the concern; instead, she spoke to Aharon. This teaches us that if we see someone doing something that looks wrong, we should speak to them directly instead of talking to someone else about that person. Additionally, we should judge favorably and not jump to conclusions.
As a consequence, the Torah tells us (Bamidbar 12:10): “The cloud departed from above the Tent, and behold, Miriam was afflicted with tzara'as, as white as snow.” The Gemara (Shabbos 97a) states: Rabbi Akiva revealed an additional matter not explicitly articulated in the Torah, namely that Aharon, too, got Tzora’as; Rabbi Yehuda ben Beseira said to him: “Akiva, you will be judged for this teaching. If the truth is in accordance with your statement, the Torah concealed Aharon’s punishment and you reveal it. If the truth is not in accordance with your statement, you are unjustly slandering that righteous man. Hashem rebuked them but Aharon did not get Tzora’as.” The Gemara then states that, indeed, Aharon got Tzora’as but as soon as he looked at Miriam, his Tzora’as went away, but she still had it.
The Ohr Hachaim (citing the Sifri) writes that when Aharon was looking at Miriam, she had Tzora’as but as soon as he turned away, her Tzora’as disappeared. Why did it work like that? To understand, let us quote the Gemara (Shabbos 152a). Rabbi Yehuda said to Rabbi Shimon ben Chalafta: For what reason did we not greet you – literally “accepted your face” - during Yom Tov the way that my father greeted your father?
The Ben Yehoyada explains that if someone has a bad eye, the colors of the eyes will put venom into the thing one is looking at. Something can be damaged by the way we look at it; conversely, beracha can descend on something that we look at positively. This is what Boaz told Rus (Rus 2:9), “Your eyes shall be on the field that they reap,” since he understood that she knew how to look at something positively. We also see this idea, as it states (Shir Hashirim 7:5): “Your eyes are [like] streams in Cheshbon.” In other words, one has the ability to create more goodness through seeing in something that has a specific number or amount (cheshbon). Let us elaborate.
Plumbing the Depth, Conclusion
This is what “accepting a face” means – if you come to me, I can look at you and a blessing can be created. When we visit a Tzaddik (a righteous man), when he looks at us – we can merit to earn a beracha. The way we all look at things is what we manifest; our view is the causation.
Now we can understand this strange scenario when Aharon looked at Miriam there was Tzora’as and when he didn’t, there wasn’t. What, exactly, is Lashon Hara? It is speech based on looking at someone in a negative way. As long as Aharon was looking at Miriam, there was a negative energy, and that created an outcome of Tzora’as; when Aharon looked away, that negativity didn’t exist. If we look at others – be it our spouses, co-workers, or children – whatever we see is what we will get. However, if we look at them positively, we will see more of that. We create the reality!
Similarly, the Vilna Gaon makes a beautiful comment on the Pasuk (Mishlei 10:6), “blessings light upon the head of the righteous, but lawlessness covers the mouth of the wicked.” Even thinking of blessings for someone else, even that thought goes onto us; and when we speak poorly of others, we bring that very energy onto ourselves. As such, if want to bring blessings into our lives, we must look at and think positively about others; if we look at the world negatively, that’s how our life will go.
We need to choose our friends wisely; if we have negative people around us, they will drag us down. On the other hand, surrounding ourselves with optimistic and positive personalities will create the good vibe we need to be able to receive blessings in our lives.
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