There are often debates in chinuch whether to take a harder line or a more tolerant stance. But this isn’t the real question. What we do in response to our children’s mistake is the result of our mental attitude. What is our visceral reaction when we see our child making a mistake? Do we become preoccupied with what the child is currently doing? Because that isn’t really the issue. The question is: How do we get him to become closer to the Ribbono shel Olam? How do we get him to recognize the goodness of the Ribbono shel Olam? How do we get him to want to serve the Ribbono shel Olam?
So, throughout our chinuch, we must ask ourselves: Do we want the child to stop doing whatever it is that’s triggering us? Or do we want him to recognize that there’s a G-d on This World?
When we remember this, we will never react in the moment. We will never punish the child in the heat of the moment. Rather, we will wait a few days, and then broach the topic gently. This is the best way to execute our mission—and this is what the Shelah HaKadosh is telling us in his introduction. This isn’t a chinuch strategy, simply a smarter way of doing chinuch to get our child to do what we want. It is the essence of the purpose of chinuch!
