Hook and Ladder
A man comes home and finds his house on fire. He rushes next door, phones the fire department, and shouts, “Hurry – my house is on fire!”
“OK,” replies the fireman, “how do we get there?”
“Don’t you still have those big red trucks?”
Chinese Food
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders Chicken Surprise. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly, and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it, and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please, sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ahh, so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."
The Bearded Man
From a passenger ship, one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that."
Giving Chase
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the driver, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper opened his window, turned on his bullhorn, and yelled, “PULL OVER!"
"NO," the woman yells back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
The Raise
"Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise."
"Fine," the boss replied. "I'll ask my wife if I can give you one."
