You should know that I consider ona’as devarim the most serious michshol in marriage, the cause, chas v’shalom, of most breakups. For many years I’ve dealt with people coming to me. Sometimes I succeeded, sometimes I didn’t succeed, but I can tell you that most of the time the troubles began with ona’as devarim, words that hurt.
Unfortunately, some people spend all their lives saying unpleasant words to each other – fifty years of bickering and constant quarreling; each time hurting each other’s feelings. These people who are spending their lives in careless words and recrimination, they have to know what a very great burden there’s going to be on them! A very great guilt!
Now, baruch Hashem they remained married and they became old together. They refused to separate. Very good! Otherwise it’s a great pity. It's a tragedy. It ends up in a divorce court, oh yes. $60,000 for his lawyer and she spends $60,000 on her lawyer, and years and years go by in litigation and finally he gives her a gett. And now their lives are ruined and the lives of their children too. It's a churban Beis Hamikdash, and it all started with words.
And so the wise couple stays together anyhow. Nevertheless there's a long list of chato’im that they have, and even though they’re willing to overlook it, the pain is still there, and it's considered a blot on their records. And they should know that although Hakadosh Baruch Hu approves of they're being together, He's quite satisfied that they didn't break up and they’ll live together in their old age, but nevertheless when they come to the Next World the records will be taken out before the Dayan Emes and they will be judged. They won't be able to get away with the things that they said.
