The pasuk in Parshas Behar says: “Each of you shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem, your G-d.” (Vayikra 25:17). The Gemara (Bava Metzia 58b) teaches that this pasuk is not referring to cheating a person in business, but rather it is referring to a prohibition called “Ona’as Devorim” – saying hurtful things to someone. This is also not referring to humiliating someone in public. Merely saying hurtful things to someone even privately is a mitzvas lo saaseh (negative Biblical prohibition) called “Lo so’nu ish es amiso“.
The Medrash relates that Rabbeinu haKadosh made a celebratory meal for his talmidim (students). He served them tongue, both soft pieces of tongue as well as hard pieces of tongue, on the same platter. As would be expected, the students all started picking out the tastier soft pieces of tongue and left over the hard pieces on the platter. Rabbeinu haKadosh remarked: “Look what you are doing: Just like you pick out the soft pieces and leave behind the hard pieces, so too when you talk to each other with your tongues, you should engage in “soft speech” rather than “hard speech.” In other words, he was giving them a mussar schmooze about Ona’as Devorim.
Why did Rabbeinu haKadosh use such a novel teaching method? Rabbeim, roshei yeshivos, and mashgichim have been speaking about Ona’as Devorim since the Ribono shel Olam uttered the pasuk Lo so’nu ish es amiso. Typically, if a mentor wishes to impress upon his disciples the message that they should not speak harshly with their friends, he gets up in the Beis Medrash and gives a schmooze on that topic. What did Rebbi do? He made a seudah and served tongue. When everyone chose the soft pieces of tongue, he told them “Look. This is how you should be speaking with your friends. Speak with a soft tongue.” Why didn’t he just use the time-honored method of giving a typical mussar schmooze? That certainly would have been a lot less expensive.
Rav Berel Soloveitchik, z”l, (Son of the Brisker Rav, Rav Yitzchok Zev Soloveitchik) said as follows: If Rebbi would have given a typical mussar schmooze, everyone would have thought that he was speaking about someone else. (“Me? I never talk like that! Maybe once in a great while I will give someone a dig. Maybe when someone gets me angry, I might answer back a little sharply. That is not the “lashon kasheh” that Rebbi is speaking about!”)
An overwhelming percentage of talmidim assume they speak lashon rakka (soft speech), perhaps occasionally with a little salt on it. Such a schmooze would not have accomplished very much. Rebbi wanted to demonstrate to them how careful they each were when taking the edible kind of tongue to see to it that they were taking only soft tongue. He then was able to hit home with his mussar message: As careful as you were when choosing the ‘soft tongue,’ that is how careful you need to be in choosing your words.
Rabbeinu haKadosh was a good Rebbi. He demonstrated his lesson to his talmidim in a way they could sense. It was not merely a cerebral exercise utilizing intellectual facilities. It was such a clear lesson that they could taste it in their mouths, and it was a lesson that they would never forget.
