Now, Rabbi Shmuel bar Nachmeini adds yet another reason. Money you could always pay back but hurt feelings you can’t pay back. Money you can always repay. You took it away, you give it back. If a man stole from you, he might mail you a check some day and pay it back. It’s a good idea by the way; if you ever did something when you were a little boy, if you took something from a candy store without paying, don’t just forget about it. Pay up! You must! But at least you can make restitution! But if you hurt someone’s feelings no check can make that up. You can never pay back the hurt feelings.
You know, there’s a beautiful custom that some husbands and wives have, to ask mechila of each other before the Yomim Nora’im. Rav Itzele Petterburger, when he went to shul on erev Rosh Hashana, before he walked out of the house he turned around and told his wife, “Zeit mir moichel – Forgive me, my wife.” And she said, “Forgive me too.” It’s a very good minhag to imitate! And you don’t have to wait for erev Rosh Hashana either. It’s very wise to do that.
Or at least on her deathbed, he should approach the bed and say, “Please forgive me for everything I said.” At least he should have seichel then. Some don’t even have seichel to say that. And when he is dying, his wife should approach him and say, “Please, my husband, forgive me for everything I said or did against you.”
