The Torah portion of Behar/Bechukotai contains the prohibition against hurting someone with speech, as the verse says, אֹלְ ו תוֹנוּ ישִׁ א תֶ א ...וֹתיִמֲﬠ יִכּ יִנֲ א ה ם׃ֶכיֵקלֱֹ א - “A man may not taunt his fellow... because I am the L-rd your G-d.” The Alshich HaKadosh explains that one who considers another person his equal (תוֹיִמֲﬠ denotes a colleague) will not cause him pain or cheat him as he values him just as he values himself. The end of the verse, “Because I am the L-d your G-d” indicates that, from G-d’s perspective, one’s fellow may be equal or greater than oneself and should therefore be treated with respect.
The Pardes Yosef points out that the letters aleph and ayin (ע/א) can sometimes be switched with each other. As such, the words תוֹיִמֲﬠ - “his fellow” - can be understood to mean תוֹיִמַ א - “his truth.” This means that when a person considers the truth about himself, he will recognize that he is far from perfect and thus will not look down on or mistreat anyone.
“How Fat Are Your Legs!”
The Midrash gives the following example of causing pain with speech. If a poor person asks for a donation and, instead of giving him one, the rich man says, “Why don’t you go to work to buy food? Look at your thighs, look at your legs, look at your belly, look how fat you are!” G-d says about this rich person, “Is it not enough that you did not give him anything of yours, but even what I gave him (his body), you are looking at with a bad eye?”
Positive Words
Instead of using words that hurt, one should always use positive and uplifting words, as the Shulchan Aruch writes, “Charity should be given with a friendly countenance, with joy, and with a good heart. The giver should sympathize with the poor man and should speak words of comfort to him. One who gives with a displeased countenance loses his reward.”
Greet Everyone Cheerfully
In Pirkei Avot, Shammai teaches that one should greet every person cheerfully. Avot DeRabbi Natan expounds on this concept and says, “How so? This teaches that if a person gives his friend all the finest gifts in the world, but does so with a pained face, the Torah considers it as if he had given him nothing. But one who receives his friend with a smile, even if he gives him nothing, the Torah considers it as if he had given him all the finest gifts in the world.”
Giving with a Sour Face? Like Not Giving at All!
Rabbi Ovadiah of Bartenura (1450 – 1615 of Bartenura, Italy, and Jerusalem) explains Shammai’s teaching as follows: “When you bring guests into your house, don’t give them with your face ‘down.’ Whoever gives with his face ‘down,’ even if he gave all of the gifts in the world, it’s as if he gave nothing.”
A Smile Saves One from Having Enemies
According to Rabbeinu Yonah, by showing everyone a pleasant face, one will have many friends and will save himself from damage that can be wrought by man. Whereas one who constantly has an angry face will be hated by people who will try to harm him.
The Root Cause of a Pleasant Face
The Abarbanel explains (in Nachalat Avot) that the root of having a pleasant countenance is to be humble like Moshe Rabeinu who was the humblest person on the earth. A humble person will naturally deal pleasantly with people and speak congenially to them.
Even A Full-Time Torah Scholar
The Midrash Shmuel points out that, in the Mishnah, before saying that one should show everyone a cheerful face, Shammai first says that one should make Torah study one’s main occupation. The juxtoposition teaches us that even a full-time Torah scholar should make time to speak to people pleasantly.
The following story illustrates this point:
Rabbi Sonnenfeld and the Kollel Student
There was a newly married man who lived in Yerushalayim in the first part of the 20th century. The man was so busy studying Torah that he barely spoke to his new wife. She mentioned this to her father who encouraged his son-in-law to pay attention to his wife, but the young man didn’t change his ways. The father-in-law brought this situation to the attention of the chief rabbi of Yerushalayim, Rabbi Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld (1848 – 1932), who said he would take care of the matter.
Rabbi Sonnenfeld sent the young man a message that he wanted to speak with him the next day at 10 a.m. The young man was overjoyed that the great sage of Israel, one of the leaders of the generation, wanted to speak to him. He came to the appointment on time and entered the chief rabbi’s room. The rabbi didn’t lift his head at all and continued studying from the sefer from which he was learning. Although the young man was anxiously waiting to converse with the rabbi, this continued for some time – the young man sitting in the room while the elder rabbi sat learning at his desk seemingly oblivious to the presence of the young man. After what seemed like an eternity, the young man burst out and said, “Rabbi Sonnenfeld, please tell me why you called me here.” The Rabbi said, “I called you here so that you would feel how your wife feels when you sit and study Torah while you ignore her.” Needless to say, the young man learned his lesson and changed his ways.
Be Pleasant with Your Guests
Many of the commentaries understand Shammai to mean that one should show a pleasant face to one’s guests. (The Hebrew יֵוֱהֶ ו לֵבַּקְ מ תֶ א לָכּ םָדָאָ ה can refer to receiving guests.) As such, Rabbi Shimon ben Tzemach Duran (1390 – 1440 of Algiers) points out that the woman referred to as the Tzarfatit, who hosted Elijah the prophet in her home during a famine and was rewarded by having her son resurrected, didn’t give Elijah anything of her own as she fed him from the jug of flour and flask of oil with which Elijah had blessed hee. As such, her mitzvah of hosting him consisted primarily of showing him a pleasant countenance and hosting him happily. For this alone, she merited a great miracle.
Put On a Happy Face
The commentaries advise that one should always show a pleasant countenance when one is with his guests, even if he is in a bad mood or going through a difficult time. If one shows a sour face to his guests, they may think he is upset with them and is unhappy that they are there. This will ruin their visit. Conversely, one who receives his guests with joy will be received with joy by the Almighty in the World-to-Come.
A Smile Is Better than Milk
In the blessings that Yaakov gave Yehudah, it says, ןֶבְ וּל םִיַנִשׂ בָלָחֵ מ which is usually translated as “(the land of Yehudah will be so fertile that the animals will produce) milk that whitens the teeth.” Rabbi Yochanan in the Talmud interprets this verse allegorically to mean טוב יןב המל םינ שי רויחב ל יותר ממשקהו ב חל which means that one who (smiles and) shows his white teeth to his fellow is better than one who gives him milk to drink. Although milk is nourishing for the body, when one smiles and gives his fellow emotional support, this nourishes his spirit and lifts his mood which can make a significant impact.
Greeting One’s Fellow.
This relates to the practice of Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai who made sure to greet everybody first, even a gentile in the marketplace. Although Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakai was the leader of the Jewish people, he valued every human being and expressed his kinship with them by greeting them first. We can learn that leaders should value every person from the fact that the Torah teaches us the importance of a smile from the words in the blessing given to Yehudah. This teaches us that even the tribe of Yehudah who produced kings and leaders of the Jewish people needs to value every human being and treat them with respect and kindness.
Members of Olam HaBa
The Talmud in Ta’anit says that Elijah was once asked, “Who in the marketplace deserves a share in the World-to=Come?” He pointed out two brothers who were jesters and would go around the marketplace making jokes and lifting the spirits of people who were sad. In addition, if people were having a dispute, they would help them resolve it.
May We Merit to Lift People’s Spirits and to Earn a Portion in the World-to-Come!
Wishing you a Shabbat Chazak Shalom Umevorach and a Chodesh Tov!
Copyright 2025 by Rabbi Aryeh Citron
