Miriam was going away for a few days and left her husband Moishe a list of chores to do in her absence. For fun, she put down as Item 5: Think about your wife a lot. After Miriam returned, Moishe proudly reported that he had completed every job. When Miriam saw the list, however, each item except No. 5 had been crossed off. "What's this!?" Miriam exclaimed. "Didn't you think about me while I was gone?" Miriam’s chagrin vanished when Moishe replied cheerfully, "I started to, but just never finished."
A rabbi stands before his congregation on Rosh Hashana and reports to them that there is a massive hole in the roof of the synagogue. "Now I have good news and bad news for you," the Rabbi continues. "The good news is that we have the money to repair it. The bad news is that the money is in your pockets."
