It’s a pleasure to receive a letter from a couple with good shalom bayis, especially as they recognize it and are grateful for it. Where there’s good shalom bayis, just about anything can be resolved, and sadly, vice versa as well — where there is friction between the couple, even the smallest issue becomes a big unresolvable problem.
You describe taking pleasure in your Shabbos seudos, which is great. Shabbos provides us with such an amazing opportunity which is unfortunately often wasted when people treat the Shabbos seudos as a longer and more lavish version of a mid-week meal. The Shabbos seudah should be something entirely different, something we prepare for and invest in. With a bit of creativity and effort, Shabbos seudos can become times that are anticipated and enjoyed by all family members.
That doesn’t mean that the Shabbos seudah shouldn’t be enjoyed as a great meal too — after all, Oneg Shabbos includes enjoying the physical aspects. But while we must bring Hashem into our homes all week long, on Shabbos His presence should be much more palpable.
Every Family Finds Its Own Way
Every family finds its own way to make the Shabbos seudos special. For some that will involve inviting guests. The question of whether a young couple should invite another young couple is more complicated than many people might think.
There are definitely different opinions and attitudes about this in different communities and cultures. It is crucial for a couple to have their own rav and moreh derech who can help them understand what is and isn’t allowed, as well as what is appropriate. This involves both halachah and hashkafah, and the precise guidance will depend on the details and circumstances. In the event that a couple doesn’t have someone whose guidance they follow, this could become problematic.
Aside from the question of what is correct and appropriate, however, there are other considerable factors that are worth taking into consideration.
Question
Dear Rabbi Gruen,
Thank you so much for your shiurim, which are a great source of chizuk. My husband and I have been married for one-and-a-half years. We have a little baby, baruch Hashem, and also very good shalom bayis.
We usually eat our Shabbos meals at home, and both of us really enjoy that. My question is about Shabbos meals, because before we were married, my husband would sometimes be invited to a maggid shiur for a Shabbos seudah, along with friends from yeshivah, at the maggid shiur’s home. His family also has a lot of guests on Shabbos.
Now that we’re married, my husband has a good friend who keeps asking him if he can come to us for Shabbos, with his wife, who is my friend. My husband doesn’t see a problem in this, but I don’t think that it’s a good idea for couples to mingle in a social setting.
So we would like to ask you what we should do — is it okay to invite a couple to eat with us on Shabbos, or is it not such a healthy idea?
Thank you
