Draw Them Close

Rav Avraham Altman, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivas Ateres Tzvi, would travel each year to Argentina, where he grew up after his family fled Europe when he was a child. In the winter of 2016, he traveled there with his son, Rav Eliyahu Meir, on behalf of the yeshiva. During their stay, father and son visited different shuls, delivering derashos and words of chizuk to strengthen the local Jewish community.

One Shabbos, after Rav Eliyahu Meir spoke in a local shul, a man approached him and warmly thanked him for his derashah. As they spoke, Rav Eliyahu Meir learned that the man owned a large pants-manufacturing factory. He suggested that he and his father visit the factory, and the owner readily agreed.

When they arrived on Monday, the owner listened with interest as they spoke about the yeshiva and wrote them a generous check. Then, with a troubled expression, he confided in them about his business partner. The man was Jewish but very far removed from Torah and mitzvos, and he was considering marrying a non-Jewish woman, Rachmana litzlan. The owner had tried repeatedly to dissuade him, but nothing had helped.

Rav Altman asked him to call his partner into the room. Though uncomfortable at having revealed something so personal, the owner complied. When the partner entered, Rav Altman greeted him warmly and shook his hand. “Your partner just gave us a generous donation for the yeshiva,” he said. “But since you are partners, you have a share in it as well, so I owe you a thank-you, too!”

Rav Altman told him briefly about the yeshiva and the zechus of supporting Torah. Then, still holding his hand, he looked directly into the man’s eyes. “You know something?” he said warmly. “You really impress me. I can see that you are a very special person.”

The unexpected words touched the man deeply, bringing tears to his eyes.

Rav Altman invited both partners to dinner the following evening. As they sat together, Rav Altman continued treating the man with genuine warmth and respect. At one point he casually asked, “Tell me, are you married?”

“No,” the man replied.

“Then I give you a berachah that this year you should get married,” Rav Altman said. “And I’m coming to dance at your wedding. Don’t forget to invite me. I’ll make every effort to come from Eretz Yisrael especially to dance with you.”

Rav Altman later recalled that he could see the turmoil on the man’s face. The man had no idea that the Rav knew of his plans, but one thought must have been racing through his mind: The Rav is going to come from Eretz Yisrael to dance at my wedding, while a priest is officiating?

Several months later, in Av, Rav Altman received an emotional phone call from the factory owner. His partner had completely abandoned his plans and was now engaged to a Jewish woman who was stronger in Yiddishkeit than he was. The wedding would take place that winter, precisely when Rav Altman was scheduled to return to Argentina. And Rav Altman kept his promise: He attended the wedding and danced with the man at his kosher Jewish wedding.

Rav Altman had never rebuked the man or told him what was wrong with him. Instead, he showed him what was right with him. He treated him with warmth, dignity, and genuine affection, allowing the man to see himself differently.