Humor

The Nouveau Riche

A Jewish couple won 20 million dollars in the lottery. They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.

They then decided to have a butler and, wanting the best, they traveled to London to hire one. They found the perfect butler through an agency and brought him back to their estate.

The day after his arrival, they instructed him to set up the dining room table for four, that they were inviting the Cohens to brunch. The couple then left the house to do some shopping.

When they returned, they found the table set for eight. They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the table for four.

The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Bagels and the Knishes."

The Origins of Man

One day, eight-year-old Melissa says to her mother, "Mommy, I've been thinking about us humans, and I'm a bit puzzled. How did we first appear on Earth?"

"That's a very good question, darling," her mother replies. "God made Adam and Eve, and they had children, and then their children had children, and as a result, mankind began."

Later that day, Melissa asks her father the same question. "Daddy, how did we humans first appear on earth?"

"That's an intelligent question, Melissa," he replies. "Millions of years ago, there were monkeys from which, gradually, the human race evolved."

Melissa is confused by this answer and goes back to her mother. "Mommy," she asks, "how come you told me God created the human race, yet daddy said they developed from monkeys?"

"Well, darling," replies her mother, smiling, "the answer is simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

The Prophecy

Moishe, a medieval Jewish astrologer, prophesied that the king’s favourite horse would soon die. Sure enough, the horse died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the horse’s death. He summoned Moishe and commanded him, "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"

Moishe realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately no matter what answer he gave, so he had to answer carefully. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days later."

The Rabbi’s Prayer

Chaim Rosenberg, the rabbi’s son, once inquired, "Daddy, I notice every Shabbos morning, before you give your sermon, you kiss the aron that houses all of the Torah scrolls. What are you doing?"

Rabbi Rosenberg explained, "I'm davening to Hashem, that he should let me give a good sermon."

“Hmm,” Chaim thought. “So, Hashem doesn’t always answer our prayers?”