Queen Bees
Now of course sometimes some women are like bees. A bee brings honey but a bee also stings; and a husband sometimes would be willing to give up both things. Like it says (Rashi Bamidbar 22:12) ¿ךָׁ ̆¿בּוּ„≈מ ‡ֹל¿ו¿ךָˆ¿ ֻ̃ﬠ≈מ ‡ֹל – don’t give me your sting and don’t give me your honey. But the wise woman makes it her business to deliver only honey.
Now like I said before this doesn't mean that the function of speech, Toras chessed, is limited to women. It's merely because this mashal of Shlomo Hamelech happens to be talking about women, because it’s an especial function for them. But otherwise it's a mashal for everybody because we all are expected to learn the lesson from the dibbur of Hashem. The Toras chessed must be on the tongue of every person, man and woman, boy and girl, who wants to emulate Hashem with his dibbur.
Everybody needs a word of consolation, a friendly expression, a compliment. People need a lift. We don’t realize, what people need more than anything else in this world are a couple of kind words. When a man comes home tired from his day in the office or in his shop, he had so much friction with customers, with his supervisor, with others, and he’s knocked out and nervous and tired, so if there’s a wise wife at home, she greets him with a couple of nice words. “Chaim, I’m glad to see you. I made a nice supper for you today.”
Appease the Police
You don’t realize how much people crave to hear הָנֹוׁ ̆¿ל לַﬠ „∆ס∆ח. Everyone; even the Irish policeman on the corner. Don’t think he doesn’t want kind words. He may look stern standing on the corner. I once told a policeman, “People appreciate seeing you around here.”
“It doesn’t look like it,” he said. “Nobody talks to me.”
He thinks people don’t like him. All day long he’s trotting around on his horse or he’s walking the beat and nobody talks to him. He thinks people resent his being there and watching them. He’s waiting for a kind word and your function is to provide it. And if you’re obligated to the Irish policeman then surely to your wife and husband and children and neighbors. Even the rabbi of your shul; trust me, he needs kind words too.
And therefore if we’re serious about it, we have to make a resolve that going forward whatever we say will be wisdom and kindliness. And so wherever you go tonight when you leave this place – if you’ll be going home or to the beis hamedrash, wherever you’ll go – go with the resolve that whatever you say will be kindliness and wisdom.
Healthy Flattery
And look for ways to practice. Imagine now you're going to a bar mitzvah. As you come into the hall, before you pick up your place card you make up your mind: “Tonight I'm going to speak only the way Hashem taught us to speak. I’ll only open my mouth for wisdom and kindliness.”
And as soon as you come in and see your old cousin Jake, you see he’s not the same man. You didn't see him for twenty years and he’s balding now. He put on a few pounds too. So you say “Jake! So good to see you. You look exactly like you did twenty years ago.” Ah! Jake is a new man now.
Once you get the hang of it, so you see your old aunt across the room and you walk over to her with this lesson in mind. You say “Hi Aunt Bertha! It’s unbelievable how young you look.” You made her night!
Get into the habit of making people feel good. It doesn’t cost any money. The cheapest kind of tzedakah is saying nice words. And don't worry that it’s false and it's flattery. If necessary, flatter too. Don't make any mistake, you get Olam Haba for that. You’re fulfilling your function in this world.
