Questions To Rabbi Mandel
Question: I have a teenage son who is having a hard time finding himself. As a mother, it's extremely painful to watch the mistakes and where it can take him. I’ve davened, gave Tzedaka, worked on Bitachon, made Kabalos, dedicated Mitzvos, try to look for the positive, etc. but there doesn't seem to be any improvement (although I’ll never know what it could have been like...)
Can I have Bitachon that he will be a TRUE Y’rei Shamayim, Baal Aliyah etc... or do I say that however he turns out, that is what Hashem wanted for him, even if it's not "ideal"? Also, why does it have to take so long? Can I have Bitachon that the process will speed up beyond Teva, or do I have to succumb to the slow, painful process?
Many times, the consolation is given "as long as you tried your best". I don’t always feel “I tried my best". Do I say that whatever I did must have been my best, or is it possible that I could have pushed myself more...? (without the guilt)
I know that whatever happened in the past is irrelevant, and it's only what you can do in the future. So how does the phrase "as long as you tried your best" help anyone?
Answer:
100% you could have Bitachon. But the main thing is Ayin Tova, and love that boy to pieces. When you come to the next world, if you were Dan your son L'kaf Zechus, then Hashem will be Dan you L'kaf Zechus. So that boy is a gift from Hashem, and a golden opportunity; he is giving you a challenge. The more you insist that he is a Tzadik Gamur, the more you will become a Tzadekes Gemura; he’s your BEST son! Keep raving over him, and love him more. He may have difficulties, and he may be in pain. In the real world, he may be better than you. You have to understand him, and the main thing is that YOU should grow. You can certainly have Bitachon that he will become the best, it happens all the time.
Now, you should know that you are the best mother that ever lived. Never suspect that you made mistakes; that’s the Yetzer Hara. The Frummer Yetzer Hara is the toughest, because he says you're bad. If you are having pain how well you mothered your child, that pain is better than the best raised kids in the world, so you must be a Tzadekes. Everyone has to battle guilt.
You can submit your questions to Rabbi Mandel by emailing them to [email protected]
