Sweet Like Honey

When Rav Yechiel Zucker established Tiferes HaChaim Seminary in Ashdod, he went to Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman (1914–2017) for a berachah. Rav Shteinman surprised him with a suggestion: “You should have a mashgiach in the seminary.”

Seeing Rav Zucker’s confusion, Rav Shteinman explained that he meant the type of mashgiach the Chazon Ish had envisioned. People had once complained to the Chazon Ish that a strict mashgiach in a certain yeshiva had been replaced by a much gentler man. They feared that without a firm hand, the bachurim would no longer remain under control.

The Chazon Ish responded with an insight from the laws of kinyanim. There is a kinyan of chazakah, establishing possession, and there is meshichah, drawing something toward oneself. The same principle, he explained, applies to chinuch: It is better to draw a bachur toward you than to hold him tightly so that he cannot get away.

Rav Shteinman apply that principle in practice. On one occasion, a student at Rav Zucker’s seminary had violated its standards so seriously that her dismissal seemed unavoidable. Because the matter involved the future of a Jewish neshamah, the administration consulted Rav Shteinman, who reluctantly agreed that she would have to leave.

Then someone from Lev L’Achim offered another possibility. A woman was willing to take the girl under her wing, surround her with love and warmth, and devote herself to helping her rebuild. The moment Rav Shteinman heard this, his decision changed. “She is not leaving the seminary,” he declared. “If there is someone willing to give her warmth, there is hope. You will yet see much nachas from her.”

And so it was.

Years later, when Rav Zucker became a mashgiach at Yeshivas Torah B’Tifartah, he again went to Rav Shteinman for a berachah. Rav Shteinman’s grandson introduced him: “This is Rav Zucker from Ashdod. He has become a mashgiach in the yeshiva.”

Rav Shteinman smiled. “Tzucker iz zis... gedenk, m’darf zayn a zisser mashgiach,” — sugar is sweet. Remember, a mashgiach has to be sweet.

It was an entire approach to chinuch expressed in a few words. A parent, rebbi, teacher, or mashgiach does not succeed merely by holding on tightly enough that a child cannot slip away. The goal is to draw him closer: closer to Torah, closer to yiras Shamayim, and closer to Hashem.

Because in chinuch, the strongest kinyan is not always chazakah, holding on.

It is meshichah: drawing them close.