Each person faces three great challenges, the Maggid of Mezritch says. The first is almost as old as time — the challenge of Kayin v’Hevel, which corresponds to jealousy; the next is the challenge of Dor Hamabul, which corresponds to ta’avah; and the third is that of the Dor Haflagah, corresponding to kavod.
Kayin and Hevel both brought korbanos to Hashem; when Hevel’s offering was accepted whereas Kayin’s was not, “his face fell” and Hashem asked him why. Was the problem that his own korban was not accepted, or perhaps, as the Chiddushei Rim suggests, was the real issue that Hevel’s korban was?
Everyone deals with jealousy in their life, and it’s simply human nature to have trouble seeing other people’s success without feeling troubled that they are seemingly doing better than we are. That doesn’t mean that we excuse jealousy — we all need to work on eliminating it. For most of us, overcoming feelings of jealousy is a years-long, if not a life-long, struggle.
When we notice this very struggle in our children, we should keep things in perspective. Of course it remains our obligation to teach our children about the importance of cultivating good middos and overcoming bad ones. Nonetheless, we shouldn’t expect them to be anywhere near the end of their middos work so early on in their lives. As with many areas of chinuch, remembering how hard it is for us to achieve our goals should give us the patience to help our children follow in our path.
