The Talmud relates the following episode:
When our father Jacob was on his deathbed, surrounded by all of his children, he suddenly felt that the Divine presence, the Shechinah, departed from him. He was overtaken by dread and fear that one of his children present in the room was living an immoral life, and that is why the Shechinah has left him. The old father confronted his children asking if perhaps one of them has corrupted his ways, betraying the values he, Jacob, had attempted to inculcate within them.
His sons responded with the most famous Jewish declaration: “Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokenu Hashem Echad.” Listen Israel – Jacob’s name was Israel -- the Lord is Our G-d, the Lord is One. Kishem Sh’ein B’libcha Ela Echad, Kach Ein B’libeinu Ela Echad. Just as in YOUR heart there is only One, so too, in OUR heart there is only One.”
At that moment Jacob responded and said, “Boruch Shem Kevod Malchuto Le’olam Va’ed. Blessed be the honorable name of His kingdom forever and ever.” (Talmud Pesachim 56a).
Their response raises a question.
Let’s listen to their words carefully: “Just as in YOUR heart there is only One, so too, in OUR heart there is only One.” The first half of their statement seems superfluous. We know that in Jacob’s heart there was only One G-d. That was not up for discussion; no one was suspecting Jacob’s heart. The question was what was going on in THEIR heart. All they needed to say was, “Listen father, in OUR heart there is only One!”?
A Mirror
The answer is that in this very expression they have encapsulated one of the great themes of education. The first half of their sentence was not superfluous. Jacob’s children were explaining why their father need not fear about his children’s moral destiny. “Jacob our father, if there is One in your heart,” the children told their father, “you can be assured that in our hearts, too, there is only One.” Children are the mirror of their parents’ hearts, not of their words. Since in your heart there was one, our heart too is saturated with the one living G-d.
All too often, parents think that they can impart values to their children without internalizing these values in their own daily lives. They teach their children about integrity, faith, love, and discipline, but they do not necessarily embody these principles themselves. They preach of one G-d, but that G-d does not challenge them in their personal lives. They will speak up against anger, animosity, envy, and selfishness, but they themselves fall prey to these traits.
This usually does not do the trick. Children do not respond to what the parents say as much as to who they are. Values are like colds: they are caught, not taught. If in your heart there is One – in his heart, there will also be One. When your child experiences consciously and subconsciously your purity and integrity, it is likely that the values that shaped the parents will continue in the lives of their children. It may take some years or sometimes decades, but the seeds planted by your heart in the heart of your children will produce the results.
Political scientists have long found that four out of five people with a party preference grow up to vote the way their parents voted. In fact, while many people experience a temporary rejection of their parents’ politics in very early adulthood, virtually nothing is more predictive of your political ideology than that of your parents—it’s more of a determining factor than income, education, or any other societal yardstick.
Rabbi YY Jacobson
