Part III. Words of Kindliness
Kind Wisdom
Now we come to the second element, „∆ס∆ח ַ̇רֹו ּ̇הָנֹוׁ ̆¿ל לַﬠ – the doctrine of kindliness is on her tongue. It means that because she opens her mouth only with wisdom so everything that this eishes chayil says, she screens for this effect: “Will it make the listener feel good? Will it make people happy to hear my words?” If not, it wasn't said.
Now the truth is that sometimes chochmah will not make a person happy. If you have to rebuke somebody for misbehavior or warn him against a dangerous course that he’s taking in life or if he's doing wrong things, it may not make him happy but it's also Toras chessed. You’re doing him a great favor even if he won’t be so happy. However, in general that was the principle of this eishes chayil that before she spoke she considered ‘Will the listener become more happy as a result of my words?’ That’s the epitome of an eishes chayil.
Now, the Gemara tells us in Mesichta Brachos (48b) a secret about women. Don't tell anybody about it but I’m going to share it with you. The Gemara says that when Shaul was coming to visit Shmuel Hanavi he asked a few girls on the road if the navi is in the town, and they answered with a long conversation. They delivered a speech: “The navi is coming here and there’s going to be a celebration in the town. There’s going to be a sacrifice, an offering, with a meal and people will not eat until the navi comes,” and so on; a whole story they said.
And the Gemara is surprised by that: Why so much talking? “Is the navi in the town now?” That was a question. So the women should have said “Yes.” That’s all that was required of them.
What Is A Woman?
So listen to the secret the Gemara tells us: יƒפ¿ל ם≈ה ֹ̇וּיƒנָרּ¿בַּ„ יםׁƒ ָּ̆נַהׁ∆ ̆ – Women like to talk. That’s the answer. Now, the Gemara is not accusing anybody; it’s just stating a fact of nature. You know, when I was a boy I lived in Baltimore and in school I learned the official motto of the city of Baltimore. It was in the Italian language: Fatti maschii parole femmine. All school children knew that. Fatti maschii – to do deeds, that's for men; parole – to talk, femmine – is for women.
Today I’m sure they've changed that but sixty or seventy years ago that was the motto there. Fatti maschii parole femine - to do acts, that's for men; but to speak, that's for women.
Now, the words of the Gemara, ‘Women like to talk’ are telling us that we should consider this not merely as a phenomenon of nature but as a creation of Hashem. It means that we disregard all the efforts of N.O.W. (the National Organization for Women, a radical feminist rights organization) to erase the effects of nature. You know that today they try to make girls play the same games as boys. And a store in Los Angeles, in their toys department they had one section for boys' toys and another one, a separate section, for girls' toys, and they took them to court of discrimination.
But we’ll go back to the days when nature was recognized and we'll ask ‘Why is it that women have a nature to talk?’ We’ll recognize it as a fact of nature, a creation of Hashem, and we’ll ask why is it so?
The Slabodka Thesis
And so I'll tell you a little Torah that they said in Slabodka. They used to say that women are a briyah of chesed. They are created for the practice of kindness; having children, raising children, running the home. They’re doing deeds of helping, of compassion, of bestowing benefits all the time. Their lives are devoted to doing acts of kindness; the entire existence of women is for chessed.
And a great portion of that chessed is by means of speech; all her life she is speaking with kindness. First to little children, she coos to them and soothes them when they're crying; she sings to them. Her little boys and little girls, as they grow up she talks to them. She's always talking and counseling and soothing. When little Chaim’l falls down she kisses him where it hurts, where he bumped his finger and she soothes him with words. When Chanaleh comes home from the Beis Yaakov overworked and nervous, so her mother soothes her with chessed l’shonah.
And later when she’s a grandmother she continues her career. She’s helping with the little babies of her sons and daughters and she’s pouring let's say antiseptic on the grandchildrens’ cuts and putting Band-Aids on them; she’s applying cream on their boo-boos. And all the while she’s applying her chessed leshonah as well; and her neshamah is becoming greater and greater. Her character is expanding because she’s living up to her potential perfection.
Stay at Home, Moms
That's a Slabodka Torah. A woman is a briyah of chessed; she’s created for the purpose of kindness. A man, he too has to use his tongue only for kindness, no less than a woman, but for her that’s her especial achievement; that's her perfection. Sometimes women can excel in other fields but the true greatness of a woman is when she lives a life as a woman, excelling in the field of serving Hakadosh Baruch Hu according to her nature.
The truth is that's when she’s happiest. A woman who becomes a judge you must know is a frustrated creature. When she puts on the black robe and holds the gavel in her hand she’s only acting but inside she’s not happy. For the moment she may be intoxicated by the power that she’s wielding but she can’t help feeling frustrated because her nature, her success, her excellence is in conducting a house, a family, and exercising the unique potentialities of her character: kindliness, compassion, helping.
And it was for this purpose Hakadosh Baruch Hu endowed women with the facility of speech, even more than men. It’s a fact that I’ve noticed that very few women stutter. Boys frequently stutter but girls rarely. And even men who are educated cannot express themselves as well as their wives. Women, once they open up, it flows with a faculty. They don't lack words. They never stop to look for the right word. A man, even an orator, sometimes he’s stuck. I’ve noticed this for many years, that women, in their role as queen of the home, are more capable of speaking to their families than their husbands. Because they have the gift that Hakadosh Baruch Hu endowed them of Toras chessed al leshonah; the gift of kindliness is on their tongues.
