The concept of hakaras hatov, gratitude, is one that is well known. But what is truly means besides recognizing the good is to the ability to see something and thank Hashem for it even during the worst moments of your life.
If I hadn’t gone through what I did when I was a young boy, who I am and what I do now would not be what it is. I would not have accomplished all that I have. The seminaries, high school and ranch which Hashem has helped me build and develop for Jewish girls would not be here. I don’t do it because it makes a living or because my daughters went to any of these schools I opened. So, if I’d think about it, why would I do it? I’m not making a living off of it, so what is propelling me to spend time on it? My friends have asked me this time and again.
Experience Abuse in Trauma in the Third and Tenth Grades
The answer is because I experienced trauma in 3rd grade and 10th grade, and I’ll never forget how I felt when I went through it. And because of it, I am very sensitive to those who go through abuse and who are surrounded by people who don’t believe in them.
Years after a very traumatizing 3rd grade, I finally found a rebbe who I trusted and looked up to, and then one day, I got in trouble and was called in by this very rabbi. He looked at me and said, “Wallerstein, do you know what you’re going to grow up to be?”
This was the rebbe who had picked me up after I’d been through so much earlier. I loved him. Asking me this question, I wondered what he intended for me to respond. He’s trying to inspire me, I figured. “Moshe Rabbeinu? I’ll grow up to become like him! Or Dovid Hamelech!”
“You, Wallerstein, Are Going to Grow Up to be a Sewer Rat!”
I couldn’t figure out what he would say. I’ll never forget it. He picked up his finger and pointed it at me. “You, Wallerstein, are going to grow up to be a sewer rat!” Imagine it. The rebbe I loved, the rebbe who had gotten me through so much and whom I trusted, said these words to me. I was 16th years old at the time and a tough boy. But this was beyond. This broke me. I ran into the bathroom, closed the stall and started crying and heaving uncontrollably.
That feeling of deep embarrassment has stayed with me. I know what it feels like for someone to give up on you. Thank G-d, my parents never did, but I had teachers who did. By far, the least likely to be successful in teaching students would have been me. If you would have seen me many years ago, you would never, ever have guessed that I’d be a rebbe. I didn’t know how to spell ‘Gemara’ when I applied for my first job.
When I wrote it incorrectly, the rabbi looked at me as if I’d just been introduced to Torah. He should have said, “I’ll look at your resume,” and then call me back and let me know I didn’t get the job. But I still went for it, and I became a rebbe.
Why I Became Sensitive to Kids Who Are Embarrassed
I became sensitive to kids being embarrassed and feeling unwanted. I decided I would become a rebbe and make sure no one under my watch ever received this kind of treatment. But my friends were taken aback. “You, a rebbe!” When I got married, I told my wife that I would be teaching half a day and working half a day. Why do I want to teach? Why would I want to do it? It wasn’t particularly the job that would bring in a lot of money and I had my own challenges as a student. Why then would I want to teach myself?
The answer is because those students who I would have, they would be completely under my care and no one would experience the treatment I received. I would care for them like no other. No one would embarrass them. Not at all. I wouldn’t change the system, but I would care for those students I have like no one else.
I taught 8th grade boys for 30 years. Every single day, from 8 a.m. to noon, I taught, and over those 30 years, some 750 boys went through my class. If any of my boys would be embarrassed by anyone, I would stand up for them. The fact that I myself was told that I was a sewer rat has stayed with me, and my hakaras hatov for being where I got to and wanting to give these students the experience I didn’t have was something that fueled me forward. I felt on fire to help these students.
If I hadn’t gone through what I did, I would not have been a rebbe and I would not be where I am today. Not even close. If Hashem would come to me today and say, “I will give you your life back and I am going to spare you these traumatic experiences, I wouldn’t take it.” If I could have my life over again, my childhood repeated without any of the pain, I wouldn’t want it. Because who I am is the result of what happened to me.
Our life makes us who we are. We just need to be open to our experiences and use them to leverage us to the great things we can accomplish.
Reprinted from the Parashat Bereishit 5783 edition of Torahanytimes.com. Compiled and Edited by Elan Perchik
