The Miracle Doctor
Dr. Bernstein was a new doctor in town. He was a Harvard trained doctor in the big city with a great reputation but he decided to move to a small town instead. The townspeople were enamoured by their new fancy doctor and he soon got a reputation that he could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do – everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.
Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit 'Miracle Doctor Bernstein' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told Dr. Bernstein "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?"
Dr. Bernstein scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47."
So Dr. Bernstein brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled. "Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said Dr. Bernstein. So Mr. Thompson went home.... very mad.
One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to Dr. Bernstein and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem. "Doc," he started, "I can't remember anything!" Thinking he had Dr. Bernstein stumped now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47, it's......"
But before Dr. Bernstein could finish his sentence, Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room!
Doctor's Bills
An old Jewish man goes to see one of New York's top medical specialists.
"How much do I owe you doctor?" he asks.
"My fee is $5000."
"$5000!" the man exclaims. "That's impossible."
"Fine, in your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could make it 3000."
"3000? Ridiculous."
"Well can you afford 1000?"
"A thousand dollars? Who has that kind of money?"
Frustrated, the doctor says, "Just give me $800 and we'll be done with it."
"I can give you 200," says the man. "Take it or leave it.”
"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to one of the most expensive doctors in New York City if you didn't have any money?"
"Listen doctor," says the patient. "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive."
Doctor's Orders
A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.
"The food we are consuming is killing us. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all that we all have eaten, or will eat. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, small 75-year-old Jewish man in the front row, raised his hand and said, "Vedding Cake?"
Doctor’s Got Your Nose
John Robinson took up a new position as a pediatrician in Brooklyn. Originally from Wyoming, Dr. Robinson didn’t have much experience with the Jewish community. But what he did have was experience with kids, and he always liked to break the ice with his young patients by testing their knowledge of body parts.
On his first day, while pointing to little Shmueli Zimmerman’s ear, Dr. Robinson asked him, "Is this your nose?"
Immediately Shmueli turned to his mother and said, "Mommy, I think we'd better find a new doctor!"
