Years ago, a young 31-year-old woman with a wonderful spirit and generous heart living in the Five Towns, New York, passed away. The tragedy was compounded even further by the fact that her husband had passed too some years before. Between them, they left a 7-year-old orphaned son with no mother or father. It was a reeling sorrow for the community, aside from the entirety of Klal Yisrael. With no parents to raise him, the boy found a new home with his grandparents. I knew of this woman, as her sister attended my seminary.
The Friday morning of shiva, I headed to the grandparents’ home to be menachem avel. As Shacharis was called for 7 a.m. and the young boy wasn’t up yet, I took a seat next to the grandfather, the father of the woman who had passed away. I remained silent at first, as my mind raced with thoughts of what I could possibly tell him to provide a dose of comfort.
Waiting until I felt it was appropriate, I began relaying the core of my shiur I had given around Purim time about how Esther was born with no parents (her father passing away before she was born, and her mother passing away when she was born). As the grandfather allowed my words to settle, he turned back to me and composed himself. “Rabbi, you speak a lot, and I want to tell you something that you can share.
The Daughter’s Secret for the Past Ten Years of Her Life
My daughter for the last ten years of her life worked in a clothing store in the Five Towns. A few days ago, my daughter’s good friend came here and told me something that I never knew. ‘I have something to share with you,’ she said. ‘Your daughter swore me to secrecy never to tell anybody, but now that she’s passed, I think I can tell you. It should be a source of merit for her neshama.’ The grandfather had no idea what information his daughter’s friend would spring on him.
“Your daughter had a secret,” began the friend. “As you know, she herself was very slender. One day she told me that every time a girl walks into the store and she’s a little overweight, she does the same thing. She doesn’t bring her a dress that is her size and will fit her well; instead, she brings her a size bigger than she needs. When she does this, and then the customer puts it on, her reaction is, ‘It’s too big.’ And if her mother is accompanying her, she might add, ‘You see! Not everything is too small on me! Look, I lost weight!’
Every single girl who may have been conscious or embarrassed of her weight and walked into the store received this response. And every single girl ended up feeling good, knowing that there are other clothes that don’t fit her. For ten years this was your daughter’s secret.”
A Simple but Remarkable Idea
As the grandfather relayed this to me, I sat still, no words coming to mind. Remarkable. A simple, little idea that meant more to others than would have ever been assumed.
“Seeing” someone else is a Jewish secret. It is the verb used to describe Avraham’s behavior when he “saw” the angels approaching his tent in the scorching heat of the desert, and how Yosef “saw” the butler and baker who looked downtrodden one morning as they sat in jail and he showed them he cared. ‘Why is your face downcast?’ were Yosef’s words.
This 31-year-old woman had a very hard life. You’d think that she was able to worry about everyone else because her life was great. It wasn’t. She had lots of personal woes and worries to deal with. But it didn’t spell a difference to her. She came up with this little idea, and who knows how many hundreds of girls walked out of that store happy, and perhaps even positively encouraged. “I lost a little bit of weight; who knows, maybe I can lose a bit more?” Daughters walked out uplifted and mothers and daughters walked out together in good spirits.
Where does this come from? Being a Rosh Yeshiva, a Rebbetzin, Mama Rachel? From a woman who worked in a clothing store. She “looked” at others and saw their struggle. That’s the hallmark of greatness. The merits of this young woman will continue to reverberate for her in Gan Eden for eternity.
If you have the sensitive eye to peer beyond the humdrum of life, embedded there behind it all are layers upon layers of opportunity. And when you seize them, you will be capturing a gem. A gem that will brighten up the life of all those around you, and leave them just a little bit more loving of themselves and the beautiful life Hashem gave them.
Reprinted from the Parashat Shemot 5784 Torahanytime.com Newsletter as compiled and edited by compiled by Elan Perchik.
