The Medrash Rabbah in Parshas Beshalach comments on the pasuk “Then (‘Az‘) Moshe sang...” (Shemos 15:1), saying that Moshe remarked: I sinned with the word “az” when I said “And from then (m’az) that I came to speak to Pharaoh in Your Name he made matters worse for the nation and You have not saved Your Nation” (Shemos 5:23), and so now I will recite shirah (song) with the word ‘az‘.
According to this Medrash, Moshe Rabbeinu had a special intent by starting his shirah with the word “az” (then). Moshe now looks back at the whole process of Yetzias Mitzraim (the Exodus) and recognizes that he previously sinned terribly by using that word. Moshe had been frustrated when his initial attempt to speak to Pharaoh in Hashem’s name caused a deterioration of the status of the Jewish slaves. Previously, Pharaoh had at least provided them with straw to make bricks. After hearing Moshe’s message from Hashem, Pharaoh stopped providing the straw, but still demanded the same quota of bricks be made every day.
At the beginning of Parshas Vaera, Chazal mention that Hashem had a complaint about Moshe. The Avos never complained to Him when things went bad. Moshe’s strong words of protest to the Almighty were seen as disrespectful. Moshe Rabbeinu remarks: “Now I need to do Teshuva.” What is his Teshuva? He takes the same word with which he complained, and now uses it in a song of praise to the Almighty! This use of “az” – “az“, once in a complaint and once in a song of praise seems like a strange “gezeirah shavah” (common Biblical word that teaches a lesson). There must be something deeper implicit in this Medrash. What does it mean?
The Beis HaLevi in this week’s parsha says a very important principle: There are two types of shevach v’ho’da’ah (praise and thanksgiving) that we give to the Ribono shel Olam. The typical situation, lo olaynu, is for example if a person was very sick, perhaps even deathly ill, and then he gets better, so he gives shevach v’ho’da’ah to the Ribono shel Olam that he has been cured from the disease. However, had he been given the choice of not having had the disease in the first place and thus not needing to be cured from it, that would have been his clear preference.
Then there is the less typical type of situation, where a person not only thanks the Almighty for being healed, but he even thanks Hashem for the original makka (plague) which necessitated the refuah (healing). Moshe Rabbeinu now looks back at what happened when he went to Pharaoh, resulting in Pharaoh making it worse. The fact that Pharaoh made it worse, in the end, turned out to be good for Klal Yisrael. Because of the intensification of the enslavement, their decreed period of enslavement in Mitzraim was reduced from 400 years to 210 years.
Not only that, says the Beis HaLevi, but the fact is that now when we look back, we can see that we were not only saved from Egyptian slavery, but we were the conduit of an extraordinary Kiddush Hashem. The Shiras HaYam is all about the fact that through the events of the Krias Yam Suf (Splitting of the Reed Sea) and Yetzias Mitzraim, the Ribono shel Olam’s name was glorified. “People heard – they were agitated; terror gripped the dwellers of Phillistia” (Shemos 15:14) – look at what we have accomplished!
Moshe Rabbeinu says that now we are not only giving praise to Hashem for being saved, but we are also giving praise for the entire process – m’az – from the time that I first came to Pharaoh. I originally complained about the trials and tribulations, but now I am giving praise about those very trials and tribulations – because by virtue of the enslavement and all of its associated difficulties, the geulah (redemption) from that enslavement becomes all the greater Kiddush Hashem (Sanctification of the Name of G-d), which is the mission statement of Klal Yisrael, namely, to be the vehicle of Kiddush Shem Shamayim in the world.
This was not merely a “Thanks for curing me of the illness” scenario. This was a case of “Thanks for the illness as well as for the cure.”
It is very difficult for us to relate to this idea of “Thanks for the illness...”, but I will tell you a true story:
Rav Baruch Sorotzkin, zt”l, was the Rosh Yeshiva of the Telshe Yeshiva in Cleveland until the mid-1970s. Unfortunately, he contracted cancer. He put up a valiant fight and went through a tremendous ordeal. He survived for some time, but he eventually succumbed to the disease. His Rebbetzin said that her husband had commented, “If someone would have asked me to pay him a million dollars before I went through this whole illness and treatment ordeal to avoid the misery, I would have been willing to pay it. However, after having experienced it, if someone would offer me a million dollars to not have experienced it, I would be unwilling to accept his offer.
Why?! He said that he grew tremendously from the whole experience. He saw the Hand of Hashem and he grew as a person. He gained in patience, endurance and emunah. That was worth more than a million dollars to him.
The truth is that sometimes I see this among ordinary people – who are not Roshei Yeshiva or great tzadikim. Sometimes people who experienced terrible sicknesses, at the end of the day, at the other side of those painful experiences, say that they would not trade the experience for anything, because of the personal growth they experienced along with the trauma and challenge of the ordeal. This is a lot easier said than done. I think it is far from a universal approach. But at times, people do talk like that and actually feel like that.
This is what Moshe Rabbeinu is saying over here: I complained with “az” because I thought “What is this about?” But now in hindsight, I am going to say shirah with the word “az“, giving praise and thanksgiving to the Ribono shel Olam for the entire ordeal.
In truth, we say this in Hallel: “I thank You for You have inflicted pain upon me...” (Tehillim 118:21) What do those words mean? I’m thanking Hashem because He tortured me?!?
We should not need to experience such nisyonos (Divine tests), but it is possible for even “regular human beings” to experience an ordeal and say it was a positive growth experience, despite all the challenges.
