Humour

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them, I can also tell if they are standing.

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres.

A locksmith had to go to court to give evidence last week. Apparently he was the key witness.

Two wind turbines stand in a field. One says to the other, "So, what kind of music are you into?" The other replies, "I'm a huge metal fan."